Symphony for Chaos
by jkgirlnz
Summary: This is a total fiction story that follows the tv series loosely. Charlotte Winston returns home to Charming on when Donna is killed, to help her brother look after his kids. Its been 7 years and although she has grown and changed a lot, Jax Teller still haunts her. But life back in Charming isn't going to be easy going, for any one. Jax/OC pairing.
1. Broken Road

A black Crow sat watching on top of the Welcome to Charming sign as I drove my white beat up 1965 Mustang past it, causing a knot to tighten in my stomach. From Experience crows usually meant some kind of warning. Maybe it was warning me not to keep going, not to return home after so many years away. It wasn't a choice I wanted to make, but one I knew I needed to. For Ope. His wife Donna had been killed in a drive by which was meant for Opie. Opie was my older brother by 2 years. We grew up in charming, even when our Mom up and left just after my 14th birthday. Our Dad was part of a motorcycle club called Sons of Anarchy which my mum completely hated. It didn't help that Opie's best mate was Jax Teller, the presidents step son. Opie and him were thick as thieves and both determined to join the club as soon as they could. When I was 16 I started dating Jax. Around that same time Opie started dating my best friend Donna, and for the next 2 years we were tight. After graduation I got offered a full scholarship to California University to study music. At first I wasn't going to take it. I was in love with Jax. My life was in Charming. Jax broke up with me, cheated on me, basically did everything to drive me away. It worked. I had gone to CU, and I had got my degree and a job teaching music at a High School in San Diego. While my brother spent 5 years Chingy State Penitentiary for the club, Donna had brought their two kids Ellie and Kenny up to stay with me every holidays. I hadn't seen them since Opie had got out. As I got closer to Opie's house I checked myself in the rear view mirror, wondering if I had changed much. I still had the same piercing blue eyes outlined in dark long eyelashes but my plain brown hair was now lightened with streaks of blonde from the sun. I had lost my Teenage pudge and thinned out. I wore my jean cut off shorts, and a white singlet, which showed off my bronze skin. On my feet I had gone with my old faithful chuck Taylors. I sighed to myself as I pulled up to the curb outside his house. A few cars and a couple of motorbikes were parked in his drive and on his lawn. I took a deep breath and got out of the car walking towards the front door. It was open so I made way further into the house. I stopped short when I saw my mother Mary in the kitchen.

"Hi mom" I said politely. She turned to me her face breaking into a smile and came towards me.

"Charlotte" she said, but I side stepped and dodged her hug.

"Where's Ope?" was all I said. She dropped her hands, trying to hide her disappointment.

"he's out back, with the kids" she replied. I made my way through the lounge to the back yard. Ellie and Kenny were sitting on the swings. Ellie saw me first.

"Aunty Char" she cried out jumping off and running towards me. Kenny was close behind. I knelt down and caught them both in my arms.

"Hey my babies" I said hugging them both close. Ellie turned her face into my shoulder.

"I'm so glad you're here" she whispered holding on tight. I looked up as Opie walked towards me, a sad smile on his face.

"Hey Big bear" I said detangling myself from the kids and standing to be pulled into a big hug.

I held my brother tightly.

"you're here" he said. "Thank you"

"Where else would I go?" I bit my lip to stop the tears that were threatening to consume me. I stood back, and froze when my gaze fell on Jax, standing just off to the side. He stepped forward.

"Hey Char" he gave me a smile before leaning towards me and kissing my cheek.

"Jax" I greeted our eyes locked for a moment before Ellie was tugging on my hand.

"Aunty Char are you going to stay with us?" she asked causing me to look at her.

"Yeah baby girl" I replied giving her a full smile. "That ok with you?"

She nodded hugging me tight. Opie looked at his daughter with sad eyes.

"Ope, Kids" Dinner" Mary called from the kitchen. Kenny and Ellie quietly went inside.

"You got bags you need help with? "Opie asked.

"go eat with your kids," Jax said. "I can help with bags" Ope nodded and followed his kids inside.

Jax and I walked around the house to the front where my car was.

"No shit you still have this bad girl?" he exclaimed running his hand along its fender.

I smiled." yeah she needs a lot of work though" I replied watching him.

"You should bring it to TM," he suggested. TM meaning Teller Morrow Auto mechanics, where the home of Sons of Anarchy Charming was.

I just shrugged and went round to open the boot. It was full of boxes and bags.

"You planning on sticking around a bit?" Jax asked eyeing all my stuff.

"Got me a job teaching music at Charming High" came my reply and as I picked up a box. "Figured this is where I need to be now, for Opie and the kids"

"I'm so sorry about Donna" he said touching her arm. "You guys were always close. "

"yeah well it's not about me "I replied moving away and heading back to the house.

Once all the boxes were in the spare room, we headed out to the kitchen and sat at the table to have some dinner.

Mary put a plate of friend chicken, beans and potatoes in front of us. Jax attacked his meal while I slowly picked at mine. My stomach was so wound up sitting next to him that food was the last thing I knew I should be putting in it. I reached for my beer the same time as he reached for his, our hands brushing against each other causing my stomach to threaten sending back up what had just gone down.

"Forgotten what good home cooking is?" Mary asked causing me to shift my gaze to her. "Seems to me you've been munching on those rabbit food salads down there, being so skinny and all"

"different life style ma" I replied. I chewed on some beans.

"Aunty Char, are you going to be our mum now?" Kenny asked, speaking for the first time since his mom had died. Everyone looked at him.

"I can't be your mom" I replied gently "she was one of a kind, but I'm going to look after you like she would have wanted me too. Because I have this huge part of my heart that is only for you and your sister, and the love in there for you both I hope will help make things seem a little better."

"I would like that" Kenny said before he followed Ellie out of the room.

"Thanks" Opie said. "He's been so withdrawn"

"So how long are you staying?" Mary asked.

"Well I've packed my life in a boot full of boxes, and got a job at Charming High" I replied.

"oh Hun" Mary looked sadly at me. "You got out of here, why would you waste it all to come back here"

"Because" I said glaring at her "unlike you, I don't walk out on my family, especially when they need me" I stood up. "I'm not hungry, but thanks for dinner anyway." I headed into the lounge after the kids.

I sat and watched a movie with Ellie and Kenny while Mary cleaned up after dinner and headed home. Opie and Jax headed back outside to finish their beers and smoke. By the time the boys came back in I had one sleeping child curled up on either side of me.

"Hey" I said quietly. "They're exhausted"

"I'll put them to bed" Opie said first picking up Ellie and carrying her to their room. He came back shortly for Kenny who had woken begging for a story. "Won't be long" he said disappearing into the room. Jax leaned against the door frame, hands in pockets.

"You look good Char" he said melting her with his blue gaze.

"you still look like Jax" she replied. "Just with more worry lines"

He laughed. "nice" he paused. "Look Char about when you left. "

"it's ok" I said curling me feet up under me. "I understand why you did what you did"

"I was an asshole to you" he said sitting down in the sofa chair opposite her. He rested his arms on his knees. "I'm sorry"

I smiled. "Yeah you were. But I wouldn't have listened if you hadn't of been. And because of you I went and did what I dreamed."

"'I'm proud of you Char" he stood. "I better go. "he paused at the door. "I'm really glad you came back" he said. "Tell Ope I'll see him tomorrow at the service" then he was gone.


	2. Bobby McGee

I stood the next morning in front of my mirror finishing off brushing my hair, which fell straight to midback. I had chosen a black classic high neck sleeveless dress with a pencil skirt that came to my knees, and black heels. I still wore the small silver cross around my neck that Jax had got me for a prom gift. It shone as it sat against the black. There was a knock on the door. Ope appeared in a shirt under his Sons Cut.

"You look really nice Char" He said. "You still ok to sing today?"

I went and kissed him on the cheek. "Of course"

"Do you think you could do Ellie's hair; I don't know how Donna got those clips in" he asked.

"I'd love to" I followed him out.

I sat on the altar beside Donnas coffin, my legs crossed, guitar on my knee. I looked at everyone watching me. I looked at the large group of Sons sitting there all solemn and had a flicking thought about how Donna would have found it funny that the most badass guys were all here in church.

I cleared my throat. "Donna and I used to sing songs all the time while we walked home from school. My brother refused to walk with us as he was too embarrassed. "I smiled over at Ope" I'd like to sing one of her favourites" I began to strum the guitar and began to sing. "Busted flat in Baton Rouge, waiting for a train, and I's feeling nearly faded as my jeans. Bobby thumbed a diesel down just before it rained, it rode us all the way to New Orleans" tears made their way down my cheeks as I just got lost in the song, remembering all those Summers we would spend together. "Freedoms was just another word for nothing left to loose, and nothing was all that Bobby left me." When I finished I stood and kissed her coffin. "Goodbye my friend" I whispered before walking back to where Opie sat.

After the burial, the wake was held at TM. I followed Opie and his kids into the clubrooms. The smell of tobacco, alcohol stirred so many memories in me. The room was full of people, drinking, eating and talking. I left Opie to sort the kids out with his mum and I headed over to the bar.

"Hey Char" Tigg greeted me giving me a huge hug. "I'm liking the prep girl look. It's hot"

"You should see my teacher on" I teased.

Tigg grinned smacking a kiss loudly on my neck.

I moved to hug Bobby and them Chibbs, before being introduced to Juice and the new prospect Half Sack.

"Don't ask" Juice laughed when I looked confused at the prospects name.

I gave my dad Piney a hug.

"so happy you're here" he said.

Jax came over from the other side of the club and put an arm around my shoulders.

"hey darlin" he greeted handing me a beer. "thought you might want this"

I took a sip. "Thanks" I took in his black shirt buttoned to the neck untucked over his usual dark skater jeans. "I like this" I said touching his shirt. "suits you".

"Hello Charlotte"

I Turned looking right at Gemma. Jax mum, and the Queen of Sam Crow. "Gemma"

"Five minutes back and already picking up where you left off" she raised her eyebrow. I stepped away from Jax.

"Mom" Jax warned.

"What? Just commenting." She took my face in her hands and kissed my cheek. "You did good today." She said. "For Donna. For Opie."

"Thanks" I muttered as she moved away to go talk to Clay. I looked at Jax and laughed. "was that a compliment?"

Jax grinned. "Take it darlin, doesn't come much"

Opie came over. "Char I'm going to take the kids home. They are exhausted. "

"You want me to come?" I asked hugging him.

"Nah" he replied, he looked at Jax. "you cool to give her a ride home?"

"Sure am" he winked at me.

Opie and Jax hugged, before he left with Ellie and Kenny.

"Char" Tigg turned my attention back to the bar. "for old times" he handed her a shot of tequila.

"Oh Jesus" I commented taking it and letting him put salt on my hand. I liked the salt, threw the shot down my throat, then sucked on the slice of lemon that Jax had given me. "Fuck" I commented shaking my head.

"Our Little Chars back" Tigg drummed on the bar while Chibbs poured more shots. After three more, I started to feel a bit fuzzy.

Chibbs looked at me laughing. "Seems little Char here has lost her knack"

Tigg roared with laughter.

I grinned. "Oh hell no. I can still hold my own" I signalled for him to pour me a whiskey.

Then I turned to them, and skulled the whole thing back, banging the tumbler loudly on the bar.

There were whoops and cheers! I took a bow.

"You ready to split?" Jax asked. I nodded. Boy was I ever. I smiled at the boys and followed Jax out to his Harley Davidson Dyna where he took his helmet off the back and handed it to her.

I looked at him and then at the bike. "Ah Jax" I said when he got on.

"Yeah what's up? "I'm He put on his clear glasses and looked at her.

"Have you seen what I'm wearing?"

His grin grew on his face. "I can hardly stop looking" came his reply.

I put my hands on my hips. "Then how the fuck am I meant to ride on that?"

Jax roared with laughter. "I'm sure you can improvise"

I glared at him for a moment thinking he was joking.

"so are you coming?" he asked.

Clearly he was not joking. I gave him what I was hoping looked like an angry glare and hitched my skirt up so it barely covered my ass, before getting on behind him. I did the helmet up on my head before slipping my arms around his waist. I could feel him laughing as he gunned the engine and took off out of the yard. By the time we pulled up in front of Opie's house I was frozen to the core.

"Thanks" I said shivering as I got of the bike and pulled my skirt down. I took the helmet off and handed it back to him. He sat on his bike watching me. I wasn't sure what to do. My drunken mind was urging me to just fling myself at him which I'm sure I would probably regret come the morning.

"You gonna be ok?" he asked.

"Absolutely" I replied spinning on my heel and walking up the path. I stopped and turned back around. "Jax" I called.

"yeah darlin?"

I chewed my lip for a moment. Then shook my head. "Nothing." I turned and went inside the house. I closed the door and lent against it until I heard Jax bike disappear around the corner.


	3. Brother

The days after Donna was buried were quiet. I hung out as much as I could with Ellie and Kenny, while Opie disappeared into himself. I took over caring for them, cooking, getting them off to school. Soon Opie would stay at the club longer then he would at home. Kept asking about where he was, and I was running out of lies. On the third night he hadn't come home I packed the kids in my car and drove over the TM.

"Wait here ok" I said to them smiling, before closing the door and heading into the club. As usual it was full of Sons and girls who wanted to be with a Son. I walked up to Tigg at the bar.

"Seen Opie?" I asked. Tigg nodded in the direction of a set of couches to the back when Opie was sitting starting while a girl was trying to rub herself against him. I stormed over and yanked her off by her hair.

"What the fuck?" she shrieked.

"Beat it sunshine" I stood in front of Ope, hands on hips and glared at him. Before the girl could retaliate Chibbs hooked an arm around her and had led her away.

"Char what are you doing here?" Ope asked looking up at me.

"Taking your sorry as home" came my reply.

He just shook his head and looked away. I grabbed the front of his cut and pulled him to his feet. "Your sorry piece of shit" I growled at him. "your kids need you, they just lost their fucking mother and now they are wondering why you can't stand to be around them"

"They've got you" he answered shrugging.

I just glared at him. "I'm not Donna" I yelled. "Your selfish prick" I slapped him as hard as I could across his face. He grabbed my arm, squeezing it painfully tight and bending it down.

"Don't come in here and tell me what I should do, you haven't been here for 7 years" He growled at me, his teeth baring.

"Opie your hurting me" I said, the pain getting worse. I could tell he wasn't seeing me anymore he was just seeing red. If he bent my arm any further he would snap.

"Let her go man" Jax interrupted. I hadn't even seen him approach. "Ope I said let her go"

"stay out of this Jax" Ope said still glaring at me.

"Your kids are fucking here" jax hissed. Ope looked at the door and saw Ellie and Kenny staring at him. He let go of my hand.

Ellie ran out of the club crying. Kenny followed her. Ope swore and grabbed his cut. "Shit" he said taking off after them.

I held my arm. "Here" Jax said taking it gently. "let me look" I pulled it back.

"Its fine" I muttered, tears filling my eyes. I noticed I had everyone's attention. "Sorry I" I sighed. "I gotta go" I headed back to my car. Opie was piling the kids into his truck.

"Char" he said,

I just shook my head "just don't" I replied getting into my mustang and starting the engine. I saw Jax standing just behind him. I reversed then shot out of TM. My tears came as soon as I was away from onlookers. Life had been pretty tough growing up, but never had Ope physically hurt me. Ever. No matter how bad things got. I wiped my tears as I drove with no particular destination in mind. I just wanted to create as much space as I could. I eventually pulled onto the dirt road that led up to one of the lookouts over charming that as kids Donna and I would hang out at. I grabbed my guitar that always was in the boot, and sat up on my cars bonnet. I hugged the guitar and just strummed tunes. I thought about all the shit Donna and I would do together. Sneaking out at night, coming up here with a joint to get high. Singing at the top of our lungs to whoever could hear. I sat there for hours, just thinking and strumming. After a while I put my guitar down and walked over the end of the carpark, and sat on the edge of the cliff. The wind whipped my hair as lights glowed from behind me, the sound of the engine of a Harley announcing the arrival of another. The bike parked behind me and the light switched off, throwing the world into complete darkness again. I didn't need to look behind me to know it was Jax. He came and sat beside me. Without a word he just handed me a cigarette and I took it and lit it using his lighter he offered. We smoked for a while in silence, our legs hanging over the cliff. Jax took my free hand in his and kissed it.

"maybe coming back here was a bad idea" I said quietly,

"Opes in a dark place right now. He's got some shit sort out. "Jax said gazing out over the town.

I turned to jax. "I know how this all works. "I said "I know there will be retaliation. But Jax you gotta promise me that you won't let him go on his own."

"I won't" Jax said.

"Promise me. I can't lose him Jax"

Jax cupped my face in his hands. "I won't, ok. You have my word." He moved a piece out of my face. Gently he placed his lips on mine, kissing me. Memories flooded into my mind, His smell, his taste. It had been so long. God how I had missed him. He pulled back and rested his forehead on mine. "I can't believe your back" he whispered.

"Jax you are a decent guy, with a huge heart." I said. "And I know your intentions are always good, but I've been away from the club for so long. I just don't see how I can go back to what I was before."

"I'm not asking you to. I know we have changed but. Do you know how many women I've slept with in the past 7 years?"

"I. "

"Hundreds maybe more. Christ I married Wendy because I was lonely and I wanted to fill the void. But not matter who I am in, there is only one face I see. Yours."

I had heard he had married. Donna had told me. And I knew he now had an 8. month old son and Wendy and him were divorced. But hearing it from him still hurt. I had thought of nothing but him over the years. I tried to forget. To let go of the hold he had always had on me. But it was pointless. Jackson Teller was the love of my life. I knew Jax was waiting for me to say something. Anything but I just shook my head.

He stood up angrily. "you know what! I guess leaving had been the best thing for you. God forbid I ruin that perfect lil college prep thing you got goin on now." He strode over to his bike.

"Jax" I called out, standing. But he just gunned his engine and turned away out of the park, gravel spraying out from his tyres.


	4. Lockdown

The weeks crawled by in Charming and I settled into my teaching job. I would work, then pick Ellie and Kenny up after school and take them home to do homework, dinner and put them to bed if Opie wasn't there. We hadn't talked much since that night, instead just danced politely around each other. He spent an increasing amount of time away from the house, mainly at the club. On Fridays Mary would pick the kids up from school and take them home for the weekend, allowing me to stay late at school and work. Most of the time I shut myself away in the auditorium and banged out tunes on the piano. Yeah I was in avoid mode, and hiding out in my musical safe room. But I didn't know what to do. Jax was pissed at me, Opie couldn't look at me. So I hid. Which is what I was doing then, in the Auditorium sitting at the piano on yet another Friday night. It was late. Around 11. I had only a few lights on the stage, as I played and sung, whatever song I thought of. I stopped half way through, picking up my beer and took a drink. I froze when I heard footsteps behind me. I spun around. Opie and Jax stood in front of me. "I've been calling your phone" Opie said gruffly.

"It's flat" I replied standing.

"some shits going down, we need you at the club. Lockdown" he explained.

I shook my head. "no" I said turning and tidying up some music sheets I had out. "I'm not doing it"

"You have to Char, it's the club"

I turned around. "It's your club" I muttered. Stalking past them and grabbing my bag and guitar.

"You're coming, if I have to haul your ass there myself" Opie warned.

"Then start hauling" I replied. He stepped forward.

"Ope" Jax said. "I got this" he nodded for Ope to meet him outside. When we were alone Jax turned to me. "there's a bit of blow back from some actions we took." He said stuffing his hands in his pockets. "a few of the old ladies have been threatened. It's not safe"

"But I aint anyone's old lady?" I answered.

He shrugged. "Please just come, for your protection".

I looked at him for a long moment. He was generally concerned. "fine" I followed him outside to my car. Opie was there with him and Jax bikes. I put my bags and guitar in my car. ". Have you got the kids?"

"They're safe, Moms taken them up to her sisters. "Ope answered.

I nodded. "see you there" I got in the car and pulled out of the school carpark. The lights of the bikes were behind me the whole way to TM. After I had pulled in and parked the gates to the yard were shut and locked. I got out of my car as Ope headed inside the club. Jax stopped me just I was about to enter after him. "Can we talk?" he asked. I sat down at the picnic table to the side. Jax sat opposite me, leaning his hands on the table. "I said some things the other night. I'm sorry"

"You weren't the only one who felt lonely Jax. My life was you. And then. Nothing" I picked at my jeans. "I dated too over the years. A couple of guys seemed ok. But something always held me back. Someone" I looked at him. "I died that day I saw you with that. whore, and I've pretty much been cold inside since. I was so terrified coming back here. OF you. Of what I would walk back into." Tears fell onto my cheeks. "I'm not preppy. I don't think I'm better than anyone here. I fuckin hated college. I had no family, I had no friends. I spent most of it in a drunken stoned state writing depressing songs and playing in dodgy bars to get money. My life was here. But no one seemed to want me to stay." I wiped my eyes, sniffing. "some dream huh?"

Juice came out the doors "Jax, Chapel" he said. Jax reached out his hand and touched my arm.

"We haven't finished this ok" he said before heading after juice. I let out a deep breath and wiped my eyes. Standing I headed into the club. It was full of woman, some kids. I side stepped all of them and sat up at the bar. Half Sac was behind the bar serving drinks. "Hey "he greeted "what can I get ya?"

"Just a whiskey thanks" I replied. Gemma came over towards me carrying a small baby. She sat beside me. I looked down at I assumed Abel. I smiled at him.

"My grandbaby" Gemma said smirking. "Jax son"

"I figured." I said. "He looks just like his daddy"

"I'm just gonna put him down for a sleep in my room here." She said. Stood carrying jax out towards the dorms.

I let out the breath I hadn't realised I had been holding when she left. Gemma scared me.

It was after 1 when the guys came out of the Chapel. I was still drinking whisky and sharing a joint with Half Sac. He had been filling me in on the origin of his name, and although it grossed me out, I was laughing hysterically when jax appeared at my side. He raised his eyebrow at Half Sac who looked worried.

"Oh I was just." he stuttered.

"Entertaining me" I answered leaning over the bar and pulling him towards me to kiss him on the lips. I sat back down laughing. "Thanks Half sac"

He looked at Jax, his eyes widened.

"Beat it prospect" Jax said, Half Sac left relieved. He turned to me and took my hand leading me towards the dorms. At the end of the hall he opened a door to an empty room. After we entered he closed it and locked it. "thought you'd want somewhere to sleep" he explained.

I looked at the room. It was his old one. I had basically lived in there before college. It was emptied out of all of his stuff however. Since he had his own place now with Abel.

"You can have the bed. I'm good with the sofa" he said taking his cut off and sitting down. I sat down on the bed facing him. I unzipped my cowboy boots and took them off. Standing I moved till I was closer to him. I unzipped my jeans and slowly lowered them, stepping out of them and standing in front of him in my undies and singlet. He watched me with a grin on his face. I took his hand pulling him up. I unbuttoned his plaid shirt and let if fall on the ground, then lifted his white T-shirt up and off. It landed on the shirt. I kept my eyes level with his chest as I ran my had down his skin and across his torso to his waist. I knew every piece of this perfectly sculpted body off by heart, like a blueprint had been etched in to my mind. There were a few more scares then before, and a tattoo that read Abel across his heart. I kissed the ink, causing Jax to draw a breath. I looked up at him. His eyes so blue looked directly into mine. "I never stopped loving you" I whispered. "You haunted me". Jax picked me up and laid me back on the bed. Lying next to me. We lay side by side looking at each other. "you coming back, is like the world giving us another chance" jax said softly. "Giving me another chance" he kissed me lightly. "I don't want to miss this" He pulled the covers over us and drew me into his arms so my head rested on his chest. He flicked the light off and held me close. We talked like that for hours, until eventually I fell asleep, feeling whole for the first time in years.


	5. Mistakes

The sun shone through the small window as I slowly woke. I stretched out and rolled over to find the bed empty beside me. Jax was gone. I sat up and pulled on my jeans and boots. I went into the bathroom attached to the room and checked myself. I splashed water on my face and tied my hair up in a messy bun, before heading out into the club rooms. I found Gemma in the kitchen trying to shush a grizzly Able and turn the coffee on at the same time.

"Need some help?" I asked motioning to the coffee pot.

"Oh darlin yes" To my surprise she handed me Abel. "God he has been doing that all I night. I just need a few minutes"

"Ok" I said looking down at Abel. He had stopped grizzling and was intently staring at me. "Hey little man" I crooned wrapping his blanket around him. "are you meant to be sleeping?" I asked walking out of the kitchen and into the club room. As if to answer me he yawned. I laughed softly at him. "I'll take that as a yes. You been giving Grandma a rough time huh? " I patted his bottom through the blanket. His gaze, though still on me was starting to get less intent and more dreamy. I gently swayed with him and softly sung him a lullaby. His little fist popped out of the blanket and straight to his mouth making me smile at him. His eyes glazed over then slowly shut. I just watched him, falling instantly in love. Jax walked over from where he had been watching.

"He seems to like you" he said quietly kissing Abel on his head, then kissing me.

"I put him to sleep" I said grinning at Jax like I had just won the lottery. Jax laughed at me.

"I see that" he answered putting his arm around me.

"Oh Jax he is just beautiful" I whispered. Gemma came out of the kitchen.

"here" she said taking Abel out of my arms "I'll put him down in his cot" She headed back to the dorms.

I turned to Jax and wrapped my arms around his waist holding him close, hiding my face in his cut and breathing in the smell of leather, smoke and gasoline. His arms tightened around me.

"You ok?" he asked a little concerned. I pulled back and looked up at him smiling.

"Do we have to stay around here today?" I asked sweetly.

"Actually the threat has been ah removed" he answered.

I frowned." Do I want to know?"

"Probably best you don't" he kissed the tip of my nose.

I stood back. "Right then I am going to head home, have a shower. I have to head back to school as I've got some tutoring to do."

"Why did I not have a teacher like you when I was at school?" Tigg joked. "I would of gotten extra tutoring"

"Ha ha." I kissed Jax, then headed out to my car.

I didn't mind tutoring on a weekend. It helped my finances big time and it also got my mind off worrying about Opie and the club. At 1 I had finished and was putting my guitar back in my car when I heard noises behind me. I stood up and looked and saw two guys walking towards me.

"You guys lost?" I asked them. "Schools closed."

"Oh we're not in school" one of them said. I noticed he was carrying a baseball bat. They stepped closer to me. I moved around to get to my drivers door but was blocked my his mate.

"What do you guys need then?" I asked trying to keep my voice steady.

"We heard there was a nice new piece of ass at the high school" Baseball bat guy said. "We thought we might check it out" He smashed his bat into my car window, inches from where I stood.

"You don't want to do this" I warned, watching him. He swung again, this time the bat hit me across the stomach. The pain winded me as I fell to the ground. His mate grabbed my hair pulling me towards him. "Please don't" I begged.

"Aw please don't" he imitated me. "Even though I look like I'm asking for it" he held my head up while his friend slapped me across the face. "You're a Samcrow bitch" he said teeth clenched. The baseball bat swung again, this time hitting my windscreen. Glass flew everywhere. "you can take it"

He pushed me up against the car, squeezing my face in his hands. "I know who you are. I know what bitches like you do. Sluts. Whores." He closed his other hand around my neck. My hands flew up to grab at his, trying to pull them away as my lungs begged for air. Black dots swam in my vision. "We don't want people like you at this school, got it?" He let go of my throat and stepped back before back handing me across the face. I crumbled to the ground. I didn't hear them leave. I concentrated on getting my breath back though my throat felt painfully raw. Blood poured out of my nose as I tried to get my brain to function. Eventually I managed to sit up and grab my phone out of my pocket, dialling Jax. He answered after the third ring.

"Baby It's not really a good time" he said distant.

"Jax" I squeezed out the sound through my swollen throat. "Help me"

"Char?" came his reply. I had his attention now. "Baby whats wrong?"

"I'm at school" was all I said. I knew when he hung up he would be on his way. I lay back down on the ground and just listened. Everything seemed so still, and so quiet. All I could hear was my uneven breathing. The ground was cold against my bruised cheek, yet comforting. I felt the vibrations of engines before I heard the bikes. Jax had come, just as I had wanted him to. But he hadn't come alone. I watched from my ground view as they appeared up the drive. Jax, followed by Opie and Juice.

Jax jumped off his bike as soon as it was parked and was beside me. "Hey" He said helping me to sit up again. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck as Opie knelt beside me.

"Char what happened?" Ope asked. I shook my head.

"I just want to go home" I whispered to Jax. "Please just take me home"

"juice" Jax called out. "Go back to TM and get the van"

Juice nodded and took off down the drive on his bike. When he returned with the Van, Opie picked me up and carried me over to the passenger seat, before getting in to drive.

"I'll meet you there brother" Jax said to him before heading to his bike. Juice took Opies bike back to TM.


	6. History Repeats

I sat quietly on the couch while Jax cleaned my face from the blood that had started to dry there. Opie was firing questions at me but I just focused on Jax. I had already told them what had happened. I didn't care to relive it on repeat.

"Why do guys always know how to hit a girl right across the cheek "I asked. "Wham and it's like your eyes going to explode"

"not all guys hit girls" Jax replied softly. "Any other scrapes or bruises?"

I sat up and lifted my shirt to show an angry bruise that was engulfing my lower abdomen from one side to the other.

Jax face grew still. "What the?"

"Baseball bat" I explained. Opie took a look.

"Oh Jesus Char" he sat down beside me and gathered me up in a brotherly hug.

"I'll get Juice on to it" Jax said. "Somebodies gotta know these pricks"

"No" I practically shouted. "I want the club out of this. I'm not 16 anymore, you can't just expect to fix all my issues. I can handle this"

"Clearly by the state you're in" Ope replied.

I took a breath trying not to lose my temper. "Look, this wasn't liked to anything to do with Sam crow, except that I'm related to one. It's just a couple of guys who clearly have some issues with me working there. I will go in on Monday and talk to the principle and see what needs to be done." I held up my hand when Ope went to protest. "the right way"

"And if that doesn't work?" Opie argued. "if they come at you again, or worse we find you lying in a gutter somewhere.?"

"Then you have my full permission to go postal on them" I replied giving him a smile.

Opie huffed out an agreement reluctantly, before heading into the kitchen to see what food we had to cook.

"You really ok about all this?" asked Jax.

I shook my head. "Hell no. But I can't have him going on some revenge thing, when he's got kids to think about". I rubbed my face gingerly. "I have to keep my life as above board, and clean as I can to work at this school. You get me?"

Jax smiled and took my hand in his. "Yeah I get you" He kissed my palm. "That don't stop me from putting a tail on you though"

I started to protest but Jax just looked seriously at me. I kept my thoughts to myself. I knew that look, and nothing was going to change his mind.

Driving to school on Monday my nerves were shot. Even though Juice sat beside me it still didn't help. I had left early so I could talk to the principle before class started, and explain what had happened and see what he thought was the best thing for me to do. I pulled Opie's truck into the staff area and parked. Glancing around I took my bag and headed inside.

The principle John Denton was in his office.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked knocking on the door.

"Charlotte of course" he said standing and gesturing to a chair. I shut the door and sat down.

I started telling John about what happened in the carpark. John listened intently, his brow knotting together. When I had finished he was silent for a long time.

"Have you contacted the police?" John asked finally.

"No I wanted to bring it to you first" I replied.

"I think that was a smart idea." He said looking at me intently. "We, here at Charming High pride ourselves on a peaceful school with no problems from the outside. There has been some concern in regards to your connection to the Sons, and whether that would get in the way of your work here. It seems it has."

"This has nothing to do with the Sons" I protested.

"Well it seems it does. You are an excellent teacher" he continued. "But if this is starting so soon, I'm concerned that it will just escalate"

"What are you saying" I asked trying to keep my temper even.

"I think its best we end your contract here" he said. The words echoed around the room.

"You mean your firing me?" I asked completely puzzled. "But I didn't do anything. I didn't provoke this"

"I realise you didn't. But your connected with a group of people that some of our student's parents frown upon."

"I can't help who I'm related to" I argued. "And they're just a motorcycle club"

"We all know there is a bit more to them then that" John sighed. "Look I have had a lot of pressure on me since you have started. I think it's better we let you go now, then have anything else happen that will impact the students here" He stood silently announcing the end of the conversation. I was completely stunned. I grabbed my bag and walked back to my car. Juice lent against it. Hands in pockets.

"All ok?" he asked seeing the look on my face.

I nodded still in a daze. Juice jumped in the driver's side and started the engine, heading out of the carpark. He drove towards town. We didn't speak the whole way until he pulled into TM.

"why are we here?" I asked.

"Figured you could use a drink" he answered.

"At 9am"

Juice shrugged. "No one here is going to judge" he replied getting out of the truck. I got out of truck and looked at the garage. Jax and Opie were in their grey mechanic shirts working on a car. "I might take you up on that drink" I said following him in to the club. I wasn't ready to face my brother, and whatever Jax was to me at this stage. I was angry and hurt over once again losing out because of the club they belonged to. I hadn't quite been honest about my return to Charming and now I felt like someone had pressed repeat on my playlist. I sat down at the bar while Juice hooked me up with a whiskey. Tigg, bobby and Chibbs came out of Chapel.

"Hey my favourite teacher" Tigg greeted planting a loud kiss on my cheek before sitting beside me. He eyed my drink "what happened?"

He grabbed a beer off Juice as I took a long drink.

"Thought no one would judge" I smirked at Juice. He raised his hands in the air in a form of apology.

"He's not Judging Charlie girl" Chibbs said nursing his own drink. "He's nosey"

I finished my drink and shook my empty glass towards Juice, who filled it. "Well my dear dirty friend Tigg, I got fired today" sculling that drink back I banged my glass on the bar. Juice was ready with more.

"what did you do?" Tigg asked.

"besides getting my ass beaten up" I replied. "I was born in to all this" I waved my hand around me. "And parents frown on it".

"fuck 'em" Chibbs commented, raising his glass. I banged mine against his and finished my drink.

"yep, fuck em" I agreed. "Fuck them all"

Bobby handed me a lit joint which I accepted and smoked. I could feel it mixing with the whiskey and slowly numbing my mind. I took another puff then handed it back.

"That's strong shit" I commented to him blowing smoke out.

Bobby winked at me, while Juice filled my glass. I saw Opie and Jax enter the club, and I turned my back away from them.

"What's happening?" Opie asked standing behind me. I could feel his eyes on the back of my neck.

"Just chilling" I replied.

"Char" my brother turned me around on the bar stool to face him. "Talk"

"I don't really feel like talking thanks" I jumped down off the stool, but my landing wasn't as good as I had pictured it to be. Opie caught my arm to steady me. I pulled it away. "Don't touch me" I snapped.

"what's wrong with you?" Ope asked.

"What's wrong with me?" I repeated using all my strength to shove him. "You and Piney and this club" I shoved him again "You are ruining my life!" The next time I went to hit him he grabbed my arms and held them together in front of me. I tried to get out of his grasp but it was no use.

"Calm the fuck down and tell me what you are going about" he demanded in a quiet yet angry voice.

"I got fired again."

"Again?"

I sighed. "I wasn't quite open about my full reasons for returning" my shoulders slumped.

"Talk" he said letting go of his grip.

I felt Jax come up behind me circling his arms around my waist giving me quiet support.

"There's nothing much to tell. I got an amazing job as Head of music in a prestigious school, my dream I had everything I could have possibly wanted. I was even performing, I had amazing friends. I was seeing this guy at the time who was from a prominent family. His mother didn't like me, did some digging. Learnt where I came from, who my dad was, the club. Next day I was escorted off the school grounds, snubbed by everyone I thought were my friends, dumped and told to leave. So I did. Thought I'd be ok here in Charming. But." I shrugged. Jax arms tightened around me but I just didn't want him there. I pulled away from both him and Ope. "Its my fault. Believing I could be anything else then a Sam crow bitch" I walked out of the club into the bathrooms. Once safe inside I locked the door and slid down to the ground. Hugging my arms around my legs I let the tears flow.


	7. A new job

It had been few weeks since my episode at TM. I felt a little embarrassed every time I thought of it. Jax had finally coaxed me out of the bathroom and given me a ride home. He hadn't really had much to say and I didn't want to talk anymore about it. He had left, promising me he would have my car fixed by the end of the week. I had picked it up but didn't stay round to see anyone. I'd seen Jax a few times, but I had found a job in a bar in Lodi so that had started to take up most of my nights.

I stared at myself in the mirror one Saturday morning. Opie had been on a run that day for the club, and Ellie and Kenny were at moms. My hair was now cut just below my shoulders and layered around my face from my chin. I had been shopping that day mainly to update my look for my new job, and now I wore a black singlet and black leather pants that tucked into knee high boots with 2inch spike heels. The pants showed off my butt perfectly. I fluffed my hair a little, applied some eyeliner, mascara and then lip gloss. Last I put my aviator sunnies on. There I thought, time to go to work

I pulled up outside the Bar. It was a Cowboy Bar that was run completely by females. It wasn't a strip bar, but if the moment was right there was a bit of girl dancing on the bar top. It had taken me a few nights to get used to and to get the confidence up to join the other girls that I worked with. Now it was like second nature. I loved it. The music, the dancing. It was a lot of fun. I grabbed my jacket and headed inside. It was already full and pumping. Carrie was up on the bar with Adele dancing to the juke box. I slipped behind the bar and put my jacket away. I could already tell it was going to be a full on night.

Towards midnight I decided we needed some guns n roses on so I cranked up Welcome to the Jungle and climbed up onto the bar, pulling with me Carrie and Adele. The crowd went nuts as I grabbed the microphone and started singing. The girls began to dance with me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a group of guys come in but didn't pay much attention to them at first, I was having too much fun with a group of guys at the bar. When the song ended I jumped back down on my side of the bar and started serving drinks.

"What can I get ya?" I asked as I turned back towards the crowd. Jax stood in front of me surrounded by Ope, Tigg, Chibbs, Bobby and Juice. None of them had their cuts on.

"Darlin" Jax greeted smiling and taking a good look at me. They all took a place at the bar. I pulled out some shot glasses and served them up tequila.

I leant towards Jax. "what are you guys doing here?" I asked over the music.

"We thought we might come see this new bar of yours" He answered smiling.

"I'm honoured that you are all here" I replied laughing. I winked at Opie who smiled back.

The bell rang down the bar signalling time for another show.

"This is me" I said blowing them all a kiss. Climbing back onto the bar as Def leopards Pour some Sugar started to play. At the end of the bar was a pole that we used to dance on. I headed towards it feeling a little nervous, but soon the music took over and I began to dance with the other girls. I swung around the pole until I was upside down. Carrie poured bourbon into my mouth and then along the bar. I flipped up just in time to see her dropping a match onto the bar, sending it up in flames. Landing on my feet I danced towards Jax. When I was in front of him I crouched down, grabbing the bourbon and poured some in my mouth before kissing him. He drank the liquid out of my mouth. I stood up the crowd went nuts.

"I guess she's over not being a teacher" Chibbs commented.

"I'm in total support of this profession" Tigg said, receiving a slap in the guts from Opie.

My shift finished when the bar shut at 3am. I counted up my tips and stuffed them in my jacket pocket as I headed outside. Jax sat on his bike waiting for me. I smiled and headed towards him.

"Hey" I greeted. He grabbed me by the jacket and pulled me close, kissing me fiercely. "Woah" I muttered when he had finally pulled back.

"Want a ride?" he asked, handing me his helmet. I nodded and put it on my head before getting on his bike behind him. He put his clear riding glasses on while I wrapped my arms around him. He had his cut on again and I rested my cheek against it, inhaling the scent of him. Jax started the bike and pulled away from the curb heading back towards Charming. When we pulled up at Jax house, I followed him inside.

"Where's Abel?" I asked leaving my jacket on the counter in the kitchen.

"At moms" Jax replied, putting his keys next to my jacket. He took my hand and led me down the hall to his room. Shutting the door, he pushed me up against it, his lips capturing mine. His hands ran down my sides them up lifting my singlet up. I pulled back, looking at him. "So you liked my work?" I asked smiling. He grinned at me. "you are full of surprises" he said pulling my me closer, making me laugh.


	8. Trust

I woke the next day with the sun streaming in through the window. I smiled as I rolled over to find Jax wasn't lying beside me. I wrapped myself in the sheet and headed towards the kitchen where I found him in just his jeans, leaning against the counter.

"Hey" I said shyly drawing the sheet tighter around me. I ran a hand through my hair.

Jax put his coffee down and drew me into his arms. "Hey Beautiful" he said kissing my nose before leaning his forehead on mine. "I enjoyed last night" he said.

I smiled, a blush crept over my skin. "me too"

Jax laughed softly. "I need to do some club stuff this morning but if you want to hang around here, I won't be long." He kissed me. "we could spend the rest of the day together"

"That sounds perfect" I answered. "I might go back to sleep if you promise to bring food" I traced my hand down his chest, hooking my finger into his belt.

"Hmm I will definitely be back as soon as I can" he said grinning down at me.

Jax left and I headed back to his room to get more sleep. I slipped one of his Samcrow t shirts on and snuggled back into his bed. It wasn't long till I had fallen back asleep. The sun had set when I woke up again. Jax was sitting on a chair across in the corner staring out the window. His face seemed worried and sad. He had a cut on his cheek and blood dried around his lip. I sat up frowning.

"are you ok?" I asked breaking his gaze. He smiled and slowly moved to sit beside me on the bed. He moved a piece of hair out of my face.

"Just a rough day" he answered. I touched his face gently.

"Your rough days scares me" I whispered. I ran my hand down to his chest feeling his bullet proof vest underneath. He cringed in pain. I lifted his shirt off and gently undid his vest revealing his bare chest. Just above his Abel tattoo was a red welt. "You were shot?" I gasped looking at him. He ducked his head.

"It's nothing" he replied trying to pull away.

"Don't" I said drawing him back to me. I kissed him. "I can deal with this"

Jax sighed and lay down on the bed. "I know you can" he entwined his fingers with mine then brought them to his lips. "Clays trying to get us to runs more guns, and he's' playing the Niners off against the Mayans. We ended up in a huge shoot out today which to me just felt like it was set up" he shook his head. "This isn't what my dad had planned for this club. I found these writings of his in the storage unit. All about what him and your dad really had planned. His vision. It had nothing to do with guns. It was all above the law shit." He ran his hand over his face.

I lay on my side looking at him, my head propped up on my hand. "What are you going to do?"

He shrugged. "I dunno yet. But the shit Clays getting us into." He shook his head. "it's gonna get us all killed."

I touched his face gently. "you have the weight of the world on your shoulders" I said, before kissing him. "I wish I could take some of it away for you"

He pulled me into his arms. "Just stay with me" he said holding me close, his body shaking.

I let Jax sleep, gently taking his shoes off and pulling a blanket up over him. I headed to the kitchen and checked in the fridge and pantry to see what I could make to eat. In the end I ordered in Chinese. When it arrived I was putting it onto plates when Jax came into the kitchen.

"Smells good" he said checking out what had arrived. I handed him a plate and fork.

"Eat" I said. "Then you can take me home, as I need a shower"

"You could shower here" he said winking at me as he sat at the table and starting shovelling in food.

"yes I'm sure I could." I laughed. "But I need, clothes."

When Jax finished his dinner, he rinsed the plate and went back to his room where he put his top and cut back on.

"Let's go" he said taking my hand. I grabbed my bag and jacket and followed him outside. Getting on the bike behind him he started the engine and we headed off down the street.


	9. Black Crow

Wednesday night was one of our quietest at the bar. I had done most of the clean up a whole hour before closing and was sitting having a beer with Adele and Carrie, when Jax came in with Tigg.

"Hey Darlin" Jax said greeting me with a kiss. He gave Adele and Carrie his sexy smile.

"Hey Baby, Hey Tigg." I replied. "That's Adele and Carrie, this is Jax and Tigg" I introduced everyone.

Tigg sat between the girls and immediately started up a conversation with them.

"What brings you guys in?" I asked Jax, handing him my beer. He had a long drink then gave it back.

"Can I talk to you?" He pulled me off the stool and over to a booth in the corner. We sat down and he wrapped his arms tightly around me. "ok what's up"

"Listen Char, I need you to look after Abel for a while" he said. "Mum will help you as much as she can. Marys going to take Ellie and Kenny to her place."

"what the hell Jax"

"Just listen ok?" He kissed my cheek. "I need to head out for a few days, with the guys. There is some stuff we have to deal with. I'm not sure when we will all be back"

"This is serious" I said. "You're worried".

"Please promise me you will look after Abel. Mom can cover when you're working. Stay at my place ok" he cupped my face in his hands. "I love you".

I covered his hands with mine. "I love you to, but my god Jax your scaring me"

He kissed me. "It will be ok. I promise." He smiled. "getting rid of a threat that's all".

"Is Opie going too?" I asked.

"Opie, Clay, Tigg, Bobby and Happy. Juice and Chibbs will be at TM if you need anything." He replied.

"This is the part of your life I don't like" I whispered. "The waiting around to see if you come home in one piece or in a body bag. I can't lose you Jax"

He squeezed my hand in his. "You won't I promise you that"

I followed him over to where Tigg was waiting at the door. Jax kissed me again leaving my lips bruised. He lent his forehead on mine. "Bye Darlin" Then they were gone. I stood numb for a few minutes at the door wondering what they had gotten themselves into and what they could possibly be heading towards. I flicked the lock across and headed back to the bar where the girls were finishing off their drinks.

"Your boyfriend is hot" Claire commented.

"Amen to that" Adele answered clinking their bottles together. "and a bad boy too. You've been holding out on us"

I wasn't paying much attention as I finished closing the till and switching the bar lights off. I said goodbye to them and headed outside. When I got to my car later that night a black crow sat on its bonnet sending cold shivers down my spine. It seemed to look at me for a few seconds before flying away. I got in my car spooked, and drove slowly to Jax house.


	10. Chasing tears

I rocked Abel gently as he slowly fell asleep in my arms. It had been 2 weeks since I last saw Jax, or heard from Opie. Abel had been unsettled of late, as if he too knew that something didn't seem right. Jax hadn't said how long he would be away, but something told me, he hadn't intended it to be this long. When I came out of Abel's room I found Gemma in the kitchen talking to Chibbs and Juice. The stopped talking when they saw me.

"Hey" I greeted them. "What's up".

"Hey Charlie girl" Chibbs stood. "Jax wants us to take you to see him"

"Where is he? Is he okay?" I asked looking between him and Juice.

"Yeah of course he's ok." Answered Chibbs. "He's at the cabin"

I looked at Gemma. "You know something?" I said.

"just go see Jax" was all she said. "I'll watch Abel"

My mind was going postal as I grabbed my jacket and put it on. I followed Chibbs and Juice out to their bikes. Juice handed me his helmet and I got on his bike behind him. The ride out to the cabin seemed like the longest ever. By the time we got there my mind had thought of every possible scenario that I was about to walk into. I was a nervous wreck. I took my helmet off and stood not wanting to go any further, afraid of what I was about to find out.

"C'mon kid" Chibbs gently moved me forward into the house. Clay, Bobbie, and Tigg sat in the lounge drinking.

"Jax" Clay called out to the hallway. A few moments later Jax appeared. I stood frozen. He looked pale, and his face was bruised. He walked over to me and cupped my face in his hands.

"God it's good to see you" he said softly resting his forehead on mine. He was shaking as he wrapped his arms around me, and held me tightly. My heart was thudding in my chest. He wasn't acting like Jax. Something bad had happened. Really bad. I looked around the room again.

"Where is Opie?" my words hung in the air.

"Baby I'm so sorry" Jax said, his lips against my neck. I pushed him back.

"Where is he?" I asked again. Jax looked down and shook his head. I turned to Clay. "Where is my brother" I demanded.

"He's dead Char" was all Clay said. I stared at him, in shock. Jax tried to comfort me but I pushed him away.

"He got gunned down" Clay started to explain but I stopped listening. It was like my ears had just decided to turn off and all I could hear was the beating of my heart. My mind was quiet for the first time all night as I pictured my brother lying on the ground. His eyes staring lifelessly into nothing. My Big Bear, Cold and alone. A low painful howl filled the room and it took me a few moments to realise it was coming from me. I ran. Out of the cabin, down towards the creek that lay behind it. Down to the stillness of the water, the coldness of the air that I thought would freeze the pain that was ripping my chest apart. I ran to chase the images that splinted my mind, and forced me to face what I wasn't ready to. I ran to escape the last 10 minutes, to rewind the future and create a world where Opie still existed. But no matter how far or how fast I ran, eventually I knew that dreams were for the weak and the world had just become a darker place. I fell to my knees in the cold muddy ground and cried. Arms came around me, holding me, crying with me. I knew it was Jax. I knew his pain because I felt it too. My tears dried and I took his face in my hands, making those baby blue eyes look into mine. I could see the fear in them, the hurt and most of all the guilt. I gently kissed his tears, before kissing his lips. A fierce hunger ripped through me and all I wanted was to taste Jax and be close to him. I needed him to bring some kind of warmth back. Jax kissed me back his hands pulling me against him. I held him tightly, clenching his shirt in my fists. The coldness still thumped in my heart. The images my mind had made up of Ope still haunted me. I pulled away suddenly and covered my face in my hands.

"Char don't" Jax said taking my hands away and holding them. "Please don't pull away from me"

"Tell me" I whispered. Jax rubbed his thumb over my fingers, watching me.

"We were trying to settle some issues with the Mayans and their gun orders." Jax began softly. "The niners had come down on us pretty hard to not sell to anyone, and they found out somehow." He shook his head. "I still don't know how, but they weren't happy. Opened fire just as we were sealing the deal. We were all just sitting ducks" he paused as the rawness of that day filled his eyes. "Ope saw a gun pulled on me, I didn't even see it. He just pushed me out of the way." His voice broke "but then he couldn't get out of the way in time." He shook his head. "It should have been me Char, it should have fuckin been me"

I sat quietly smoking on the sofa at the Cabin while the guys talked quietly in the kitchen. I had been told that Chief Unser had taken Opies body to the coroner and was keeping what happened out of the report, since he was a friend of the club. I knew the plans were being formed for retaliation in the next room, I could hear the murmur of their voices and the occasional upset comment. I didn't care. I finished my cigarette and squashed it into the ash tray standing. I walked into the kitchen causing the conversation to stop abruptly.

"I want to go home" I said.

Clay glared at me. "We are kinda in the middle of something" he snapped.

"Char" Jax said coming to my side. "Just a few more minutes ok?"

"I want to go home Jax" I said again.

"Soon I promise" he kissed my cheek.

I walked back into the lounge and started to pace. I felt like I was a caged animal. I quietly let myself out of the cabin. Wrapping my Jacket closer around me to cut out the chill. I gazed over at all the bikes that were lined up along the drive. There, right at the end sat Opies bike. I walked over to it and ran my hand along the seat, tears instantly stinging my eyes. I sat down on the bike and lent forward so my cheek was resting on the tank.

That's where Jax found me a little while later. He crouched down beside me.

"Where's Dad?" I asked.

"He's with you Mom." Came his reply.

"I should be there" I said. "but I don't know if I can face them"

"Stay here, with us tonight." Jax touched my face. "then we can face everyone tomorrow, together"

I looked at him, knowing he needed time as well as I did before we went back to Charming. I nodded and got off the bike, letting him lead me back inside.


	11. Forever Young

They had dressed him in his leather jacket with his cut over the top and buttoned. His hands were laid across his stomach, crossed at his hands. His face was still, eyes closed. Dead. His legs were covered by the same white silk that lined the rest of his black coffin. Around him people, friends, fellow Samcrow members had placed items for him to take to the grave. He lay in his coffin on the table in the Chapel. I sat beside him on that table, hugging my legs and resting my cheek on my knees so that I could just watch him. The club rooms were crowded with people wanting to pay their respects. One by one, and some in groups would come in and stare at him, mutter how he was a great guy, then walk away. The last person to walk in was Jax. The room behind me fell silent. I watched as he stood on the other side from me and gazed down at Ope. Tigg, Bobby, Chibbs, Juice, and Clay entered behind him and all stood around. Jax looked up at me then back, tears shined in his eyes. He slipped his hand inside his jacket and removed a photo, which he then tucked into Opies cut. It was a childhood picture of the two of them, laughing without a care in the world.

"See you later bro" he said quietly, then nodded his head at Bobby.

"It's time Charlie Girl" Chibbs softly said to me.

I knelt up on the table and placed a kiss on my brother's cold cheek. "Goodbye Big Bear." I got off the table and moved back so that the guys could lift the lid and place it securely on the coffin, closing Opie away from me for good. Together they lifted him up and onto their shoulders and, led by Jax took him out of the club rooms for the last time. As everyone followed the coffin to the awaiting hearse I slid down the wall and sat hugging my knees to my chest as a cold chill flowed through me.

"I will not be commanded" I sung softly "I will not be controlled, and I will not let my future go on, without the help of my soul"

I sat there quietly while outside Opie was put into the back of the Hearse. I sat there as Jax shut the door and the black car slipped away out of TM. I sat there hidden by the table while everyone came back inside to drink their sorrows away.

"Charlie girl" Chibbs said sitting down next to me. "You going to come out?"

"Not really in the social mood" I answered.

"None of us are really" he answered, "But we are all here to support each other"

"Piney still here?" I asked.

"Ah no, he's not"

I nodded. "And neither is mom. So much for family support huh?" I stood up.

"Hey" Chibbs caught my hand and held it. "We're your family too kid"

I gave him a small smile then headed into the club rooms, towards the door. I was almost to the car when Jax caught up with me.

"Hey" he said taking my arm and turning me to face him. "want some company?"

"I might just have a night to myself" I replied. "I could do with some quiet"

Jax put his hands in his pockets. "I get that" he answered. "Pick you up for the grave service tomorrow?"

"There's a few things I need to do beforehand" I lied. "Meet you there?"

"Sure thing darlin" he watched as I got in my car and headed out of TM.

The banging on the door was the first thing I heard when I woke up the next day. I lifted my head from the sofa where I had been sleeping, instantly my head began to pound. I put it back on the cushion willing the pain to go away. There was more banging on the door, louder this time. I managed to pull myself up, tripping over the empty bottle of bourbon that I had left on the floor. I got to the door as more banging started. I yanked it home and was blinded my bright sunlight.

Jax stood on the doorstep not looking too happy. He barged past me into the house. I shut the door and leant against it looking at him.

"What?" I asked when he just stared at me.

"Where the fuck were you?" he demanded.

I gestured with my hands "Here" I answered. "why?"

"Why?" he echoed the scoffed. "Your brother was buried this morning"

I pushed myself away from the door and headed to the kitchen to find something to drink. I pulled a bottle of wine out of the fridge and unscrewed the top. "sorry" I was about to take a drink straight from the bottle when Jax snatched it off me.

"Your drunk" He commented tipping the wine down the sink.

"Give the man a prize" I muttered. Jax cornered me against the bench his hands on each side of me.

"Your family needed you" he said, his face inches from mine.

I glared at him. "My family don't give a shit about me. The only one who did is dead, because a stupid selfish act, and I hate him for it. I hate that he left me here alone." I shoved him, hard.

"Ope had been looking for a way out ever since he lost Donna" Jax said. "If you should be angry, be angry at me. That bullet had my fucking name on it"

I shook my head. "No" I said quietly. "I can't hate you, I couldn't ever hate you, I hate myself because not matter how many times I play different scenarios in my head I can't help but feel more relieved that you are still here" I wiped the tears out of my eyes on the back of my hand. "what kind of person does that make me"

Jax closed the distance between us. "The kind of person I love, and I will protect with every part of me" he rested his forehead on mine. "you are my heart"


	12. Crash this Train

I pulled my mustang into TM and parked near the garage. Getting out, I carefully got Abel out of the back seat and hooked his baby bag over my shoulder. It had been 6 weeks since they buried Opie, and a lot had changed since then. Mom had taken the kids up to live with her and my Aunty, miles away from Charming, and the Opes house had been sold. I'd moved in with Jax and was now playing happy homemaker and mom, looking after Abel when I wasn't working. On the outside I looked like I was dealing with everything and was happy, on the inside, where I kept everything hidden, I was slowly falling apart. I spotted Jax working in the garage and headed towards him. His smile when he saw me lit his whole face. He wiped his hands on a cloth and met me just by the doors.

"Hey darlin" he said cupping the back of my head with his hand and kissing me. He then took Abel off me and cradled him close. "Hey lil man" he whispered kissing his blonde head. "what brings you guys here?"

"I was called in early to work" I said "So Gemma said she could take him if I brought him here." I rubbed Abel's back.

Jax placed his free arm around me, drawing me into him. "You work to much" he muttered kissing the top of my head.

"that's cheap coming from you" I laughed, taking Abel back. "I'll be back" I headed into the office where Gemma was staring at the computer.

"Hey baby" Gemma took Abel and kissed him. She looked up at me. "How you doing' Char?"

I smiled "Better if everyone would stop asking me that" I answered handing her the bag.

"Why don't I take Abel to my place tonight" Gemma suggested "Give you and Jax some time together"

"Thanks Gemma" I gave Abel and kiss and then headed back out to Jax.

"Your mums taking Abel for the night" I said wrapping my arms around his waist. "Which means we can do something tomorrow. Just us?"

Jax looked down at me grinning. "Oh can we now?" he nibbled on my ear, causing me to giggle.

"Yes maybe we can get out of the bedroom for once" I teased.

He cupped my face in his hands. "Want a ride to work?" he asked.

"Very much" I answered preferring to be wrapped around Jax then lonely in my car. I followed him over to his bike and put the helmet on he offered me. He put on his one, hopped on the bike and started it up. I got on behind him and held on as he took off out of TM. When we pulled up outside the bar I worked at, I got off and handed him back his helmet.

"I shall see you later" he said taking him hand and kissing it. I smiled and headed into the bar.

The night passed quickly. The bar was full to its limit, the music was booming, the drinks were flowing. I was happy when my shift finished at midnight. I put my jacket on as I left the club. My face lit up as I saw Jax waiting on his bike, smoking.

"Hey handsome" I greeted.

"Hey Darlin" he flicked his cigarette as I gave him a sweet kiss on the cheek. He smiled as I hopped on the back and put my helmet on. I loved being on the back of his bike. I slipped one hand under his shirt feeling the warmth of his skin. He started the engine and pulled away from the curb. It was a cool night and I was glad that I had worn my jeans and leather jacket. I lent my head against Jax back as the countryside flew past. A cars headlights lit up from behind us. As we turned a corner it got closer and closer. Jax noticed it too and slowed down to see if the car would pass. It didn't. Instead it came right up and hit the back wheel. Jax swore as he tried to keep the bike from losing control. All of a sudden the bike went sideways and we skidded across the road onto the gravel at the side. I lost my grip on Jax as the bike eventually stopped against a pile of rocks. The car tires screeched as it turned around and sped away down the road. I lay where I had landed, the wind completely knocked out of me, trying to assess what hurt.

"Char!" Jax yelled "Char" I could hear the fear in his voice.

I sat up and saw him limping towards me.

"Oh God" he exclaimed crouching in front of me and checking me over.

"I'm ok" I said. "Just a few scrapes and probably some impressive bruising" I let Jax help me up to my feet. "who were those guys?"

Jax frowned. "I don't know, but I intend to find out" he pulled out his phone and dialled a number. "Juice, need you to bring the van" he told Juice where we were then put his phone back in his pocket. He looked at me. "God Char your shaking"

I hadn't noticed until he said it, but my shakes took over my body. He wrapped his arms around me.

'"Shock I guess" I said. Jax cupped my face in his hands.

"Are you sure you're ok?" He asked worried. His eyes searched my face.

"Baby I'm fine, a little shaken and possibly going to feel it more in the morning when the adrenalin wears off" I smiled. "what about you?"

"About the same" came his reply. He brought his lips down on mine. "If anything ever happened to you I."

"Hey" I wrapped my arms tightly around him. "I'm ok"

We stood like that until we saw the lights of the van pulling in. Juice jumped out of the van. Jax went and told him what happened as they got the bike up and wheeled it into the back of the van. I jumped in the front between Jax and Juice.

We pulled into TM. The lot was empty except for some bikes. I got down out of the van, and hesitated. My hip and leg were starting to throb and the last thing I felt like doing was being in that club.

Jax caught my hand. "we won't be long" he promised leading me inside. He frowned when he noticed I had started to limp. "you are hurt" he said.

I shook it off and followed him inside. I hadn't been back inside the club rooms since Opies farewell. The guys went off into Chapel while I headed to get a drink. I helped myself to a beer before I noticed Opies Cut framed on the wall with a photo of him beside it. Since moving into Jax house I hadn't seen any of Opes stuff. Mom had dealt with all of that. Seeing his leather on the wall threatened to break a barrier that I had built up inside of me "Cheers Brother" I toasted him with my beer. "thanks for leaving me in this shit hole with no one." I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. "God I miss you." I rested my forehead on the cool glass of the frame and closed my eyes. My life was such a comedy of errors that even William Shakespeare would have been proud. I don't know how long I stood there, head on the frame, tears rolling down my cheeks. Eventually I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned looking straight at Jax.

"You ok?" he asked worried.

I smiled. "Yeah of course" I lied quickly wiping my tears. "I'm just really tired"

Jax put an arm around my shoulders. "Let's head home" he said leading me out to my car that was still parked in the yard. I gazed out the window deep in thought as Jax drove us home. I could see Jax looking across at me occasionally, but he kept his silence. When we arrived home, I followed him inside and headed straight to the bathroom. I shut the door and turned the shower on before crumbling to the floor in tears.

Thanks to everyone for your amazing comments!


	13. The League

I was the first to wake the next morning. I rolled over and watched Jax. He lay on his back. One arm thrown over his head, the other lying casually across his stomach. His long eyelashes lay lightly on his cheeks; his lips were slightly parted. I propped myself up on my elbows gently placing a kiss on his neck. The corners of his mouth twitched. I moved closer and kissed his cheek. His arm came down from above his head and drew me against him. When I lay with him, in the quiet, away from the world and its pain, I was able to believe that everything was perfect. I craved for these moments. I needed them to break up the reality that faced me outside that room. I sighed and snuggled in closer to him, wishing I could just stay there in that moment. That's the funny thing about moments. That's all they are. A fleeting glimpse, a held breath. A small time before everything changes. I heard the gun shots first before they ripped through the walls, shattering the windows and embedding into the mattress. Jax reacted instantly, pushing me away off the bed. I watched his body jolt and as bullets slammed into his back. Our eyes locked together as he fell onto his stomach, his arm outstretched towards me. The shots ceased as car tires screeched away. The silence was deafening. My ears were ringing as I jumped up and checked for a pulse. It was faint but it was there.

"Stay with me baby" I told him, grabbing his shirt off the floor and pressing it hard against his back, trying to stop the bleeding. I reached for his cell phone beside the bed. I dialled the first number I came across. Tigg answered.

"He's shot, they shot him" I cried.

"Char? Woah what?"

"Jax. There were shots, through his house and he's just lying here. What do I do? What do I do?" my voice was becoming hysterical.

"I'm on my way" the call clicked off.

"Don't you die on me" I yelled at Jax. "Don't you dare fucking die" I pressed harder on the shirt. Blood was beginning to cover my hands. I pulled the sheet off the bed and bunched that up to use.

I sat there talking to Jax, telling him exactly what I would do to him if he died, until eventually I heard the front door open.

"In here" I yelled. Tigg, Chibbs, Clay, Bobby and Juice came rushing into the room.

"Fuck" Clay exclaimed.

"C'mon Jackie Boy" Chibbs knelt down hear Jax face and checked his pulse again. He looked up at Clay with fear in his eyes.

"Call 911" Clay instructed Bobby. "Tigg, call Unser on this one, Juice go round the house and get rid of any of Jax stash or weapons."

Everyone flew into action. I sill sat on the bed pushing down on Jax back while blood still continued to try to escape.

"You're doing good Charlie Girl" Chibbs said to me. "Keep that pressure on"

The sirens seem to start from so far away and take so long to get closer. Everything happened all at once. Paramedics rushed in, Tigg helped me off the bed as they took over, and hugged me to him. I couldn't take my eyes off Jax as the treated him. They got him on a stretcher and wheeled him out to the truck. Juice came back in and nodded to Clay.

"Let's go" Clay said. "Tigg you and Chibbs take Char. Follow that ambulance. I'll go get Gemma. Meet you all at the hospital."

I let Tigg lead me out to his bike. I got on behind him not caring I was only dressed in my jpg pants and a singlet. I held onto him as he started his bike and took off towards St Thomas Hospital.

The waiting room at St Thomas was full of Sons. I sat curled in a chair hugging my knees. Gemma came running in with Clay.

"Where is he?" she demanded. "Where's my son"

Tigg stood and put his hands on her shoulders. "He's in surgery" he explained. That's all we knew.

Clay came over to me and sat down. "What happened?" he asked gruffly

I shook my head. "I don't know, we were just waking up and these shots just came through the wall." I stared down at my hands, still stained with Jax blood. "he pushed me out of the way, then there was a car and silence." I shrugged.

"Cops are gonna want to talk to you" Clay said. "Just tell them what you told me, but you don't mention anything else about the club. You got that?"

I nodded. Clay stood and went to sit with Gemma. Chibbs took the empty seat beside me.

"Don't worry about him" Chibbs quietly said to me. He took my hands in his. "We need to get this cleaned off huh? Come on" He took me into a spare room down the hall and over to the sink.

I scrubbed the blood off my hands.

"You did really good kid" Chibbs handed me a paper towel. "You saved his life."

"He's going to be ok right?"

Chibbs hugged me. "Jackie boys a fighter" was all he said.

It was another two hours before Jax was out of surgery, and the doctor came to see us. Two bullets had hit him. One hit his shoulder blade and lodged in the bone, the other into his spleen. They had removed both bullets and also had to remove the spleen as it was too damaged. Gemma rushed in with Clay to see him, while I hung back in the waiting room. I stood when they came out a little while later.

"He's asking for you sweetheart" she said to me.

"Is he ok?"

She kissed my cheek.

I headed down the corridor to Jax room. I stood frozen in the door way when I saw all the machines he was hooked up to.

"Hey Darlin" he said weakly.

"Jax" I cried going and sitting on the bed. Taking his hand in mine I held it to my heart.

"Did you get hit?" he asked.

I shook my head, sending tears down my cheeks. "thanks to you"

"Hey I gotta be the hero" he laughed then winced in pain.

"Why is all this stuff happening? Last night, this morning." I asked. "Do you think it's connected?"

"Clay got a call from a group called The League" Jax replied. "Checking to see if I was ok. He thinks they have something to do with it."

"They League? Who are they?"

"Just some white supremacists that think they rule Charming." He answered reaching up and curling a piece of my hair behind my ear. "Nothing for you to worry about"

"Don't do that" I said. "Don't start hiding things from me. I've been knocked off a bike and shot at too remember. Think that gives me a lot to worry about."

"We'll handle it" Jax said firmly. "I promise"

I sighed. There was no use fighting him on this.

Chibbs appeared at the door. "hey brother" he said entering. "How you doing"

"Been better" Jax replied smiling.

"Charlie girl, cops are outside. They want to talk to you" Chibbs said.

"Ok" I stood and kissed Jax on the forehead. "I'll be back" I said.

As I left I heard Jax say to Chibbs. "Look after her?"

"Absolutely Brother" Chibbs replied before following me out.


	14. Stahl

Agent Stahl stood when I walked into the waiting room. I had seen her around and knew she was from with the ATF, who were coming down hard on the Sons. I knew she was tough, fake, and power happy.

"Charlotte hi" she greeted extending her hand out. I ignored it and folded my arms looking at her. Stahl lowered her hand. "Shall we go into another room?" She asked glancing at Chibs who stood leaning against the wall. Tig was opposite him, but the rest of the sons had gone.

"We aint going nowhere" Chibs said.

Stahl caught herself sneering at them, then replaced it with a smile. "If you don't feel safe talking in front of them I can get them removed" she said to me.

"Why wouldn't I feel safe? They are family" I answered. "Just ask your questions I want to go back to Jax" I sat down on one of the chairs. Stahl sat opposite me.

"Ok. Tell me what happened."

I filled her in on all the details I had told Clay. Stahl took notes as I spoke.

"Can I ask you something?" she said.

I nodded.

"You graduated UCLA with Honours in Music, and was making something of yourself. You come back here and are now working in a bar as a dancer, and playing house with Jax Teller and his son. Your Brother got shot, your mums left and your dad well he's not exactly a father figure." Stahl leaned forward.

"Just get to your question."

"I just want to know, what you think the future is going to look like?" she feigned worry. "I mean do you really think your love for Jax is strong enough to continually live through all this chaos?"

"I don't see how any of this is your business" I replied. "Are we done?"

Stahl watched me for a few minutes. "Just make sure you're here because you want to be" she said. I stood up and walked back to Jax room.

Jax was sleeping when I went back in. I quietly sat in the chair next to him. I stayed there for the rest of the afternoon and well into the evening. I didn't leave his side. When he finally woke around 8 I was dozing with my head on his bed. I felt his hand on my head and looking up saw him smiling at me.

"you should go home" he said softly. "Get some real sleep"

I smiled at him. "I'm fine. I want to stay here with you"

"I'm not going anywhere" Jax replied. "Get Chibs to take you home. Stay with you. Ok"

I knew there was no arguing with him. I stood up and kissed him gently on his lips. "I love you Jax Teller" I whispered. "Try not to get shot while I'm gone"

"Holy crap" I exclaimed staring at our bedroom back home. While we had been at the hospital, Juice and Half Sac had replaced the windows and fixed up the walls. There was a new bed in place of the old one, complete with new sheets, pillows and blankets. You would never have known anything had happened in the room 12 hours earlier.

"We didn't think you'd want to come back to the way it was." Chibs explained.

"Thank you" I said hugging him.

While Chibs ordered dinner, I hopped into the shower. The hot water felt so good on my stiff muscles. I washed my hair and lingered under the water until it began to turn cold. Dinner was waiting on the table when I came into the kitchen in tracks and Jax Samcrow T-shirt. I sat down opposite Chibs and looked over all the cartons of Chinese.

"are we feeding an army?" I asked choosing some fried noodles.

"Juice is on his way" He answered between mouthfuls. "that boy can eat"

As if on cue, Juice came in through the front door. "Hey" he said sitting down in the seat next to me. "Oh sweet" he started to eat.

I laughed watching him, as I ate.

Jax was up eating breakfast when I arrived the next day. His beautiful face broke into a huge smile when he saw me.

"Hey baby" I said sitting on his bed and kissing him. "You're looking good"

He wrapped his arms around me deepening the kiss. "God I missed you last night" he said when he pulled back. I placed my hand against his cheek.

"I missed you too" I replied gazing into his baby blue eyes. "How is the pain?"

He shrugged. "not too bad" he replied before kissing me again.

"Ahem" we both looked at the door to see Agent Stahl standing in the doorway.

I sat up and glared at her. Jax wasn't much happier to see her either.

"What do you want?" he asked her, holding onto my hand.

"Ah the Prince and Princess of Samcrow" she smiled too sweetly. "I have come to get your statement Jax about what happened yesterday." She took a seat in the chair on the other side of the bed.

Jax face and attitude completely turned to steel around Stahl. He had told me many times she was dangerous. "We were asleep, Shots fired, I pushed Char off the bed and caught two in the back. After that I don't remember much" he said coldly.

Stahl nodded. "Any ideas who it could be?"

"Nope. Isn't it your job to find that out?"

Stahl leaned back crossing her legs. "You happy that Charlotte is getting involved with all of this?" she asked.

"Chars a big girl she can make her own choices" he squeezed my hand but kept his cold glare on Stahl.

"Hmmm so she gives up everything, to be your what? Old Lady? She is talented and she has an honours degree, and she's wasting it here. But you don't seem to care" she stood up. "Must be love" she looked at me. "Real true love" on that she turned on her heel and left the room.

"Bitch" Jax spat out behind her. He turned to me. "Hey, she's just trying to stir things up"

"I know" I replied.

"Honours huh? You forgot to mention that one" he raised his eyebrows.

I shrugged. "No one asked"

I stayed with Jax most of the day. We played cards, mainly. Gemma came and visited just before lunchtime. I slipped out and headed down to the cafeteria to get a coffee.

"Not the best coffee huh?" a guy commented behind me in the line. I turned and looked at him. He was about my height, stocky build with short military cut hair. On his neck was a tattoo but I didn't look long enough to see what it was.

"Haven't had one yet" I replied politely before turning back.

"Visiting someone?" he asked. I mumbled something in reply not wanting to engage in any kind of conversation with him. My order was completed and I picked up the two coffees.

"Nice to talk to you Ma'am" he said as our shoulders brushed. I glared at him then walked away feeling quite uneasy. I shook the feeling off before I got back to Jax room. Gemma had left by then. I handed Jax his coffee and sat down in the chair.

"Not a good coffee shop?" Jax asked watching me.

"Huh?"

"You have that frown thing going on." He pointed out.

"Oh just some weird guy trying to make conversation." I replied. "I can't help but feel I've seen him before though" I shrugged. "Think my nerves are just shot." I sipped the coffee and screwed up my face. At least weird guy had something right, the coffee wasn't the best. Still coffee was coffee and I was determined to drink it.


	15. Taken

I jumped down off the bar after the song had finished, exhausted. It was almost 3am and closing time was finally upon us. It had been a long night. I cashed up and grabbed my tips out of the till before putting them in my pocket.

"I am done" I said to Adele as I put my jacket on. "Thanks so much for closing for me"

She gave me a quick hug. "All good. I'll see you tomorrow"

I headed out to my car and got in. I put the key in the ignition and the car roared into life. Suddenly a gloved hand came from behind covering my mouth as the cool metal of a gun was placed against my temple. I looked in the mirror and saw someone wearing a mask and a black hoodie.

"Drive" the voice said, alerting me to the fact it was male. I nodded and pulled out of the car park and onto the street. With my hands shaking on the steering wheel I followed his instructions. We drove for about fifteen minutes until we pulled into a deserted carpark lot. "Get out" He demanded. When we were out of the car he grabbed my arm and yanked me along with him towards the back of the lot. There another car was parked and two more guys in masks stood by it. I was pushed towards them and before I knew it was punched hard in the gut. I bent over as the wind flew out of me. Coughing I tried to fend off more attacks but the hits came one after the other until I couldn't stand anymore. I lay on the ground as one of the masked men crouched over me. He yanked my head up by my hair so our faces were inches apart. "Tell Clay Morrow to stop selling guns to the Mayans" he spat at me before letting go.

"Go to Hell" I screamed back, earning a kick to the head sending me into unconsciousness.

I awoke to silence. The sky was starting to lighten and I could see my car a few yards away from me. I pulled myself up to my feet and limped those few yards and got into the car locking all the doors. I checked the back seat. Empty. I let the breath I had been holding out and checked myself. My stomach was awash of blues and blacks as the bruises had begun to show. The face that stared back at me looked like something from a zombie movie. My lip was split and above my eye there was a gash all crusted with dry blood. My cheeks were bruising and turning a shade of purple. My neck had scratches down it and bruising along my collar bone. I shut my eyes and leaned back in the seat. My head throbbed with pain but I knew I had to get going, in case someone else came. I don't know how I made it safely but I was relieved when I finally pulled my mustang into Jax drive. Chibs threw open the house door as I pulled myself out of the car.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Chibs growled coming down the steps. His face changed to shock when he got close enough to see my new makeover. "Jesus Char"

"Please just get me inside" I replied. He surprised me but collecting me up in his arms and carrying me. I rested my head on his shoulder. Tig was inside with Juice, when Chibs put me on the sofa. They all crowded round. Chibs went and got the first aid kit.

"What happened" Tig asked gently sitting on the coffee table in front of me. I shook my head.

Chibs sat down beside me and started to clean my face. "Charlie Girl you need to tell us"

"I just want to see Jax" I replied.

"If you go in looking like this they will admit you" Chibs commented.

Juice, who had been standing quietly behind Tig spoke. "Have a shower, and some food. Then I'll take you in to see him"

I told Juice everything on the way into St Thomas. When he pulled into the carpark he handed me his hoody.

"Probably best to wear that with the hood up, so not to scare the locals" He grinned. I couldn't help but smile. I put it on. It was way too big and the hood almost came right over my face, but it did the job. I kept my head down until we got to Jax room. When I entered Jax was sitting up, talking on his phone. His eyes met mine.

"Yeah she's just arrived" He said into the phone. "Thanks brother" he shut his phone.

"Chibs?" I asked sitting on the bed.

"Yeah" he pushed the hood back off my head. "Jesus" his face turned angry.

I touched his cheek. I could see the pain behind his eyes at what he saw. "This is what they want. A reaction" I kissed him. "Don't give it to them"

"Them? How many?"

"One was waiting in my car when I finished work, then we joined up with two others." I wiped the tears that had crept onto my cheeks.

Jax took my face in his hands. "I am so sorry" he whispered kissing me, his tongue lightly flicking past my lips. I reacted instantly to him, feeding off his need with my own. "This was not the life you had dreamed of" he whispered resting his forehead on mine. "I selfishly brought you back into it." He sniffed. "I thought I could protect you from it all"

I held him tight around the back of his head "The life I dreamed of was with you" I said back. "I came back because I couldn't be without you. So don't you dare start down that road of thought."

"Did they..." Jax couldn't finish, but I knew what he meant.

"No" I replied.

He nodded, and held me close wrapping his arms around me. He lay back and I curled up beside him, my head gently resting on his unhurt shoulder. It didn't take long until I was sound asleep, safe in his arms.

 **thanks so much for reading, please feel free to comment would love to hear your thoughts**


	16. Crazy Town

Jax was released from hospital a few days later, on the strict orders that he rest, but Jax never did take orders too well so he was dressed in his cut on the back of his bike later that afternoon heading to Teller – Morrow.

"I think you're an idiot" I had told him when he left, getting a huge sexy grin back.

"I got this" was his reply.

I threw my hands in the air and walked back inside as he took off down the street. Half Sac, who Jax had put on my couch as a guard dog, was raiding the fridge.

"What is it with you guys and those bikes." I asked sitting down at the kitchen table. "You think your untouchable."

"Well we do look pretty tough" Half Sac replied sucking on an Ice lolly, he'd found in the freezer.

"Oh yeah, so tough" I commented sarcastically.

I lit cigarette and inhaled. "So how come you drew the short straw to babysit?"

Half Sac shrugged. "I offered. Chibs is kinda not on the good side of Jax at the moment"

"He can't blame Chibs for what happened to me?"

Half Sac laughed. "He can, and he is. Your pretty valuable to him"

"And who looks after him?" came my reply. "The club? Clay?"

Half Sac shrugged again. "We've got his back"

I stubbed my smoke out in the ash tray and stood. "I hope so" I replied. "I gotta go get ready for work"

"Woah, Jax said nothing about you going to work" he followed to the bathroom.

"He knew I was working today. Guess you better get ready to go to then" I shut the bathroom door in his face and turned the shower on.

Half Sac took a stool at the end of the bar when we arrived at work.

"Shit girl what happened to your face?" Carrie asked when she saw it. Seems makeup didn't cover it as much as I had hoped.

"Fight with a door" was my reply.

She raised an eye brow. "that sexy man of yours been roughing you up?"

"No, but thank you for caring" I hugged her and went to work serving drinks.

"Who's the cute kid you came with?" Adele asked me later that night as she was pouring whiskeys beside me.

I glanced up at Half Sac. "My bodyguard supposedly, his names Half Sac"

She looked at me questioningly.

"Don't ask" I yelled over the music laughing. I stopped laughing when I saw Jax push his way through the crowd directly for Half Sac. Behind him were the usual suspects, Tig and Chibs. I focused on the guy in front of me.

"What'll it be?" I asked him.

"Ah do you have any wine?" he asked looking around.

"Nope" I answered.

"mixers"

I shook my head

"So basically you have..."

"Jim, Jack, Johnny Red, Johnny Black, and Jose; all my favourite men. You can have it any way you like it, as long as it's in a shot glass." I replied noticing out the corner of my eye that Jax was heading towards me.

"I'll take a beer thanks"

I handed the guy a beer, just as Jax leaned over the bar.

"Can I talk to you?" he asked, his voice calm.

"Can it wait? It's kinda crazy in here" I took another order and served another drink. Jax grabbed my arm.

"No Now would be good" he stormed off the exit. I sighed and followed him outside.

"Jax I know what you're going to say" I started.

"What the fuck are you doing here Char" he kept his voice low as not to attract attention.

"I have to work Jax." I replied.

"I can't protect you here" he said. "There's too many people, too many opportunities"

"I never asked you to protect me" I argued. "I have to live my own life too remember. Its ok for you to rush off and do whatever you choose. I am tired of sitting back and having everyone tell me how I should live my life. I am done with that. So either you give me some breathing space, or..." I paused, realising I hadn't quite thought the argument through.

"When will you stop being so fucking independent and let someone else look after you for once?"

"Oh like my family did while I was away? Like Opie promised me then fucking got himself killed?" I pushed Jax hard. "I take care of myself because I have to" I spat the last words out. "Everyone leaves."

"Finally some emotion from you" he said

"I am not doing this here" I commented walking away.

He grabbed my arm. "Your brother is dead! Be Angry at that. Feel something for god sake!" he yelled at me, his face inches from mine.

I slapped him hard across his face. "Fuck You Jax" I spat out.

"Okay love birds" Chibs said coming in-between us. "Making a scene here"

Jax stood back angrily.

"I have to work" I muttered heading back into the bar.

"Girl what you need is a night out with us" Carrie said after we had closed up.

Adele agreed. "We are heading to a party if you want to join"

I thought for a minute then nodded. "Why the hell not"

I drove Adele and Carrie to their friend's house near the edge of Stockton. When we pulled up there were still a few cars parked in the drive even though it was near 4am. I followed them inside. It reminded me of a frat party from college. Couples making out in one corner, drunk idiots daring each other to be superheroes in another. Carrie and Adele found their friends in the back tv room. Adele introduced me to two guys Sam and Emmett who were on the couch sharing a joint.

"Hey" I said sitting down on the floor opposite them with the girls.

"Ladies come join the fun" Emmett laughed as he handed me the joint. I inhaled a few puffs before handing it on to Carrie. Sam put a drink in my hand. Bourbon, just what I needed. I tipped my glass to him and drank. I sat with them there, listening to them all talk about nothing in particular, and realised I was actually starting to enjoy myself. My phone buzzed in my pocket. When I checked it later I found three missed calls from Jax. I put it back in my pocket as Sam handed me another drink.

"Boyfriend checking up on you?" he asked sitting down next to me.

"Something like that" was my reply.

"don't you want to answer him?" he pushed.

"let's just say we're not really seeing eye to eye at the moment." I answered.

"Ah" Sam pulled a small baggy out of his pocket. Inside were some white pills. "Then you my new friend need to unwind and forget about him with these" he took one out and handed it to me. I don't know if it was the copious amounts of bourbon running through my system or the anger I felt towards Jax that made me take the pill from Sam, but I did and I put it under my tongue just as he said. At first nothing happened, but soon I started to feel so relaxed. I toasted him with my plastic cup of bourbon and leaned back against the chair. I felt like my mind had separated from my body and I was standing on the outside looking in. Everything seemed to slow down and I didn't like the feeling of Sam's lips on my neck. I pushed off the ground and stumbled out of the room, using my hand to guide me along the wall until I found the bathroom. I went in and locked the door behind me. I had been stoned many times but had never taken anything like this. My heart was racing so fast. I stared at myself in the mirror. My pupils were crazy big, while my face was pale and shiny with sweat. I sat down on the floor and reached for my phone. I texted Juice to come get me and told him the address. Then my phone slipped out of my hand as I couldn't hold it anymore.


	17. Silver Lining

I looked up when the door to the bathroom burst open.

"In here" someone called.

Jax crouched in front of me, holding my face in his hands to look at me. "Char?"

As much as I wanted to reach out and touch him, speak to him, I couldn't move. I just looked at him. It was like the drug had released something in my brain that was too much and everything was going into shut down. Jax frowned and scooped me up in his arms, carrying me out of the bathroom. My arms hung down as my head was supported by his arm. I saw the panels of the ceiling pass by, then the bright sky as Jax carried me outside to my car. He put me on the back seat. "I'm going to take you home baby" he whispered before kissing my forehead and shutting the car door.

"Juice take the van back to TM" Jax ordered.

"Hey where are you taking my party girl?" Sam joked coming out of the house.

Jax looked at him menacingly "You the one who gave my girlfriend that shit?" he growled.

"Hey she needed it, seemed her boyfriend wasn't cutting it" he didn't see Jax fist until it hit him square in the Jaw, followed by another into his nose. Two more blows to the head put him to the floor. Jax spat on him then got into the mustang, started the engine and sped off.

I slept most of the way home and woke when Jax was carrying me inside. He put me down on the bed and pulled the blankets over me.

"I'm sorry" I managed to say. Jax lay down beside me and drew me into his arms, my head rested on his chest.

"I hate fighting with you" he said. "Always have."

"You started it" I muttered sleepily.

Jax was in the kitchen standing shirtless looking into the fridge when I woke up later that day. I went to him and hugged him placing a kiss on his back. He turned in my arms and hugged me back.

"She lives" he teased kissing my head.

"I feel like I've been licking a cat" came my reply causing him to laugh.

"That will learn ya" The rubbed my back.

I looked up at him. "Probably not my brightest ideas."

"No" Jax kissed the tip of my nose.

"I was angry at you" I offered as an explanation. "I don't like being told what to do"

"I wasn't trying to dictate your life and shit" Jax replied.

"You were wrong though." I moved away from him and sat down at the table "I do feel. Sometimes so much it overwhelms me. I can't process all the fucked up shit that has been going on. I try to deal with one thing and I feel like I'm hit with another." I rubbed my face with my hands. "Its crazy Jax. I feel like I'm drowning."

Jax crouched down in front of me. "Stuffs been bad lately. I won't lie to you. I miss Opie too, and it haunts me the shit I see, that I've done. But you let that eat you up, then all there is in life is blackness." He took my hands in his.

I chewed on my lip and looked at him. "How do you stop it from eating you up"

Jax smiled. "I come home and I see you and I hold Abel, and I thank God I'm still alive."

I cupped his face in my hands. "I'm pretty thankful your alive too" I leaned down and kissed him.

I came out of the shower a little later feeling more human than I had earlier. Jax was talking on the phone when I sashayed in with just my towel wrapped around me. I wiggled my hips at him but his face receiving a sly grin in response. While he talked I pulled on some Jeans and a singlet. He hung up as I was pulling on my cowboy boots.

"Who was that?" I asked tying my hair up in a messy bun. Jax came up behind me and placed his hands on my hips.

"A possible job offer" he replied nuzzling into my neck, his rough stubble tickling.

"For who?" I laughed playfully elbowing him and turning around.

"You actually" he replied. I looked at him confused so he continued. "Seems Bay Area High in Stockton is in need of a music teacher and the principle is a friend of the club and owed us a favour"

My mouth fell open in shock. "Are you shitting me?" I squealed in delight and jumped at him wrapping my arms around his neck. He held me laughing.


	18. Zobelle

Jax looked up from the car he was fixing as I pulled my Mustang into TM. I parked and jumped out running to him. He looked concerned as I came into the garage.

"Hi" I greeted smiling broadly.

"Hello" he replied carefully. "How was your first work"

"It was great" I replied sitting up on the bench beside the car.

"You seem in a good mood" Jax commented standing between my legs and kissing me.

"Oi Teller" Tigg called. "I can't finish this on my own"

Jax grinned and turned back to the car. I sat watching them work. A sleek black Lincoln pulled into the lot stopping just in front of the garages. The back door opened and out of the back came a tall grey haired man. Two more guys got out of the car and stood on either side of him. Clay, who had been in the office headed out towards him, followed by Jax and Tigg.

"Can I help you gentlemen" Clay asked.

The grey haired guy spoke. "Good after noon Mr Morrow, I am Ethan Zobelle I own the new Cigar shop in town"

"And?" Clay asked.

"Just dropping by too give you a bit of friendly advice" Another guy said who had come to stand next to Ethan. I froze when I saw him, instantly recognising him from the coffee shop in the hospital.

"And what advice would that be?" Clay asked.

Ethan spoke. "we think it would be best for all concerned if you stopped dealing arms to the One Niners and the Mayans

Clay shrugged laughed. "I don't even know what you are talking about" he said. "we're just mechanics and Harley lovers.

"That's one of Darby's guys back there" Tig muttered to Jax.

"Mr Darby is one of our supporters" Ethan mentioned hearing Tig.

"you must be at the top of the Aryan food chain" Clay commented.

"What you do for a living is between you and your maker. "Ethan said. "I'm not here to adjust your moral compass, just a reality check, you're a criminal and your done selling guns to colour."

Clay pulled out his gun as did Jax, and Tig.

"What you're going to shoot me with all these witnesses?" Ethan asked.

"Look I don't know what Darby told you, or what your angle is" Clay bit out. "but No body threatens SAMCRO and nobody tells us what we can and can't do. Black, brown or white."

"yes clearly I can see our last few messages didn't do anything" Ethan looked at Jax then right at me turning my blood cold. "Good day gentlemen" He turned and headed back to the car as Jax realised the weight of the comment and started after him. Tig stopped him

"Not now" He warned.

The car engine started and the guys stood their ground until it had pulled out of TM and driven off down the road.

Clay turned to Juice who had joined them. "I want to know everything" he said.

"you got it" Juice replied heading back into the clubrooms.

I got down slowly off the bench and backed further into the shed as Jax walked towards me, gun still in his hand.

"It was them" I said. "that's the message they gave me"

Jax put lifted the back of his shirt and put his gun back in the back of his jeans. "Why didn't you say anything" he asked. Clay came towards me also followed by Tig.

"I didn't understand it" I said backing into a corner and shaking my head.

"What did they say exactly?" Clay demanded.

"They said 'Tell Clay to stop selling guns to Mayans'"

"You should have told us" Clay growled. "At least we would have been a bit more prepared"

I shrunk back at his voice.

"Enough Clay" Jax said. "It's done. "he glared at his step farther.

"Perhaps you need to school your old lady in protocol" he snarled before walking away.

Jax turned to me "You ok?" he asked touching my face.

I nodded my eyes following Clay.

"Hey" Jax caught my chin with his finger and thumb and turned my face till I was looking at him. "Don't worry about him. Ok. Did those guys say anything else to you?"

"No, just that." I replied.

Jax pulled me into his arms and nuzzled my neck. "They will pay for what they did" He whispered. "I promise you that"

"I'm not sure if that makes me feel better, or scares the hell out of me" I admitted.

Jax grinned at me making me laugh. "That's better" he said "now, let's get back to your very happy mood that you came in with and the reason behind it."

I grinned at Jax. "So the bar in the bay area is having an open mic night tomorrow night and yours truly will be singing" I was so excited. I hadn't performed in so long and this was the perfect opportunity. "A couple of my students told me about it and talked me into signing up."

"Ok" was all he said.

"Really, that's it? That's your reply" I folded my arms.

"I just don't think it's a good idea with the threats and all" he explained.

I stepped towards him and put my arms around his neck. "Then I guess you better come, and bring the Sons, because I am not missing this." I rubbed myself up against him.

"Clearly you'll use any cheap tricks to get me to say yes" he smiled.

"Oh I plan to".

Bay side Bar was full when Jax and I arrived for the open mic night. I hugged my guitar and looked nervously around. Jax hand on the lower of my back was all that stopped me from turning and running.

"Over there" Jax pointed to a table in the back. I followed his gaze and smiled. Chibs, Juice and Tig all sat around it. They looked so different without their cuts on. I smiled as Jax led me over to it and we took our seats.

"Nervous?" Juice asked handing me a drink.

"Shitting bricks" came my reply.

We sat and watched a number of singers perform. They were amazing. The longer I watched the more afraid I got.

"Jax I don't think this is a good idea" I said quietly to him. "These guys are good"

"And so are you" He replied kissing my hand. "You got this"

"I got this" I kept saying over and over to myself as I sat on a stool on the stage later that night. One spot light was on me. Expecting faces stared back at me. I took a breath then began to play the intro to the song I'd chosen. "World was on fire and no one can save me but you" I sang, "strange what desire makes foolish people do. I'd never dreamed that Id meet somebody like you. I'd never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you, no I don't wanna fall in love, no I don't wanna fall in love, with you. "I looked out over the crowd getting into my groove "What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way, what a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you." I got lost in the song, feeling at home and relaxed. I was enjoying myself and when I finished singing the crowd went nuts, cheering and clapping. I couldn't stop smiling as I got back to the table. Jax lifted me up in his arms swinging me around. "God you were amazing" he said. I laughed as he set me back down.

"That was so fun" I said to him. "God how I've missed it" I accepted the praise and hugs from the other guys then sat down.

"To our amazing Charlie girl" Chib toasted. We all clinked our glassed together laughing.


	19. Heatbeat

One thing I really didn't like was doctor's offices, yet here I was sitting in a gown on an examination table, having a check-up. I wasn't sick, it was just school had requested everyone have a medical when they first start working there. I looked at the clock on the wall and waited as the minutes ticked by. I had already peed in a cup, and had blood ruthlessly sucked out of me by a not so friendly nurse. I checked my phone. A message from Jax flashed up.

 _"Done yet?"_ it read. Jax was waiting outside for me.

 _"Just waiting for doc"_ I text back _. "Sitting in sexy gown. You should see"_

There was a pause before he replied. _"does it come with the no dignity open back?"_

I laughed. " _wish I hadn't worn my nanna undies"_

 _"Bring gown home for later"_ I could picture Jax grinning.

I was about to reply when Dr Keller came in.

"Sorry to keep you waiting Charlotte" he said. He looked down at the sheet of paper that he had in his hand.

"No worries" I replied. "Can I go now?"

"Sure can, though just one thing" He handed me the sheet. "Did you know you're pregnant?"

I swear the world stopped turning as I stared at him, processing the words that had just come out of his mouth.

"Sorry?" I asked thinking he had clearly said something different to what I thought I had heard.

"Your pregnant. I guess you didn't know" He smiled.

I don't remember much of what was said or done after that. The doctor took me into another room and put some freezing cold jelly on my bare belly and did an ultrasound. After a few minutes he pointed out a flicking dot, saying it was a heartbeat. He did some measurements and announced I was close to 8 weeks. I finished with the doctor and slowly headed out through the reception, stopping as I came out of the clinic when I saw Jax leaning on his bike. I didn't know how to face him, what to say to him, so I did what any grown up woman would do and sat down on the step and put my head in my hands. Panic flicked over Jax face as he quickly came towards me.

"Char what is it?" he asked crouching down in front of me.

"oh god Jax" came my muffled reply.

He took my hands away from my face "Talk to me darlin"

"I'm, oh god I can't even say it." I squeezed my eyes shut. "Gods having a laugh, I can't be mom, I'm like crazy and shit. God I'm going to have to start saving for this kid's therapy its gonna need."

"wait? What?"

I opened my eyes as Jax realised what I was badly trying to explain. His face broke out into a smile. "Your pregnant?" he asked.

"Why are you smiling? This is wrong, this isn't meant to... I'm not ready... oh god Im gonna get fat, real fat"

Jax pulled me to my feet so that he could swing me around in his arms. "This is a good thing"

I stood staring at him when he put me back on my feet. "Are you crazy? You already have a son and..."

"And now he can be a big brother" Jax laughed. "A Family" he pulled me close to him, cupping the back of my head in his hand. "Marry me Charlotte Winston" he whispered into my ear.

"Woah" I stepped back. "back up, what?"

Jax laughed. "Marry me, be my old lady." He placed a palm against my cheek "Let me love you forever" he said softly.

I pushed him away. "Are you on crack? Marriage? Me? I'm not wife material, I can only cook 2 meals, I hate washing machines, and I lately I can barely keep a job." I walked around him. "This is crazy"

"Marry me" He repeated, following me to his bike. "You know you want to" he teased, giving me his sexy smile.

"Don't do that" I warned him. "That's not fair"

He touched my hip. "Grow old with me," He said drawing me into his arms and kissing me like the bad boy he was.

"Stop it" I cried trying not to smile, as he latched onto my neck and ran his fingers up my spine under my top. "Ok, god ok"

He pulled back and looked at me. "That's a yes?"

"Yes, yes I will marry you"

Jax kissed me again before getting on his Harley.

I laughed shaking my head as I put my helmet on. "You are going to be the death of me Jackson Teller" I said getting on the bike behind him. I curled my arms around him, slipping my hand under his shirt where I liked to touch his skin. Jax laughed, before gunning the engine and taking off down the road.


	20. Wicked Games

Pregnant, and engaged. I stared at myself in the mirror at home, while I was getting dressed to go to Gemma's for our engagement party. I was now 13 weeks. My stomach was still flat, impressive with all the food I was consuming, but my boobs had a mind of their own. I swear they had doubled in size. No surprises this made Jax very happy, however that happiness didn't last long when I informed him under no circumstances could he touch them as they were so bloody painful. I had managed to squeeze them into the last of my sexy bras that night, giving myself some impressive cleavage. I finished getting dressed into my little black dress, that thankfully covered decently still and slipped my heels on. I left my hair out and put some lip gloss on before grabbing my bag and heading to the kitchen where Jax waited.

"Hey darlin" he said admiring my appearance. His lips found mine as he pulled me close. "Let's just stay here" he murmured running his hands up under the hem of my dress. I slapped his hands away laughing.

"Your mother will kill us if we don't show." I reminded him. Jax took my hand and kissed the stunning white gold diamond engagement ring that was on it, before leading me out the door. We took my car to Gemma's as my dress wasn't really the bike riding kind. Gemma was in the kitchen when we came through the back door. She gave us a hug each before leading us into the lounge where the usual suspects were. Drinks were poured all round and food platters were passed. When I could find a moment I escaped back into the kitchen where it was quieter and sat down at the table. My feet were killing me so I slipped my shoes off and dug into the plate of pizza that was in front of me.

"You eat too much of that and your ass won't ever look the same" Gemma commented sitting down opposite me.

"It's the baby" I answered with a mouth full of pizza. "I swear I am hungry all the time"

Gemma laughed. "I remember that feeling. Probably having a boy" she lit a smoke. "I put on so much with Jax"

I pushed the pizza away, no longer feeling hungry. "Can I ask you something"

"Sure Baby" she replied.

"Is it hard, bringing up a kid around all this, the club, the lifestyle?"

"Its about as hard as raising any kid is, no matter where you are." Came her answer. "Can be lonely sometimes, but everyone's got your back. You having doubts sweetheart?"

"What? No. This club means a lot to Jax, and he means a lot to me so I'm all good with it." I smiled sadly. "Besides, it's all I got, I just don't want to make things harder on Jax"

"He's a big boy" Gemma stood as Jax came in to the room.

"I was wondering where you got to" he said sitting down next to me. "Why are you hiding out here"

"I found pizza" I answered.

He watched me. "You look tired."

"I'm ok" I smiled taking his hand and playing with his sons rings that he wore.

He frowned slightly. "we can go if you want"

I stood up pulling him to his feet. "Hell no. I'm good honest." My phone rang, pulling it out of my Jacket I saw it was Neeta, our babysitter.

"Hello" I answered.

"Charlotte, you need to come home, its Abel" she was panicking.

"What's happened" I demanded. Jax looked at me questioningly.

"These men came into the house, I was in Abels room, they trashed the place, I managed to slip out the window and hide."

"Are they still there?"

"No they seem to have gone" she replied. All of a sudden I heard this loud explosion through the phone. "Neeta? Neeta?" I screamed then the phone went dead. I looked at Jax and told him what had happened. He grabbed my keys off me.

"Stay here" he said.

"No I'm coming with you" I protested trying to follow him out of the house.

He pushed me back "Stay here" he yelled at me before running out the door. The Sons came running passed me, hearing from Gemma what had happened. They headed to their bikes. I stopped Juice.

"You need to take me" I demanded, sternly. He looked at me a moment then nodded. I ran to his bike with him and got on the back.

Jax house was consumed by angry flames when Juice parked his bike with the others. The fire department had arrived and the area had been cordoned off. I got off Juices bike and ran towards Jax, who stood talking to the Fire Chief.

"I told you to stay at Moms" he said angrily. His face was wet from tears.

"Where's Abel? I asked.

"Go back to Gemma's" he growled moving away.

I hit him. I didn't quite know why. Maybe because I was freaking out, maybe because he was being an asshole. I slapped him right across that gorgeous face causing me to turn his angry gaze onto me. He caught my wrist as I tried to get a second one in.

"Damn you Jax, I love Abel too" I cried.

His hold on my wrist softened as he lowered his head. I touched his face. "Jax?"

"They haven't found him yet" came his sad reply. I held him as he sobbed. My Beautiful tough boy Jax, at his weakest point. When he crumbled to the ground, I went down with him, still holding him tight.

It was like time stood still as Jax and I sat and watched the fire fighters work on the house. Tig, Chibs, Bobby and Juice stood behind us. It seemed like forever before a fighter came around the house from the back carrying Abel in his arms. Jax and I jumped up together and ran towards him. Abel was crying, his beautiful face marked with dirt and tears. "I found him, being protected under a body of a lady round the back" The fireman explained. Jax took Abel into his arms and held him close kissing his face.

"The woman, is she?" I couldn't finish. The fireman just shook his head sadly. He led Jax and I to the awaiting ambulance to get Abel checked. The paramedic put a small oxygen mask over his face, as Jax handed him to me. I snuggled my face into Abels chubby neck, finally releasing the tears I had been holding back. "Shhhh baby" I crooned gently rocking him. Abel started to calm down a little as he watched me.

"Jax" Clay called motioning him over.

Jax kissed Abels head, then me, before heading over to where Clay and the others stood. I couldn't hear what they were saying but whatever it was, it ignited Jax rage.

"Ma'am" The paramedic spoke to me. "We'd like to take Abel into St Thomas for a check-up if that's ok"

"Of course, can I come with him?"

He nodded and helped me up into the back of the ambulance. I sat on a stretcher with Abel in my arms. Jax came over and climbed into the back.

"I need to go do some things" he said quietly to me "I will be at the hospital as soon as I can"

I nodded, watching him walk towards his bike, before the doors of the truck were closed.


	21. Cotton and Lace

I sat curled up in a chair beside the hospital cot where Abel lay sound asleep. The doctors were monitoring him overnight to insure his oxygen levels were stable. It was almost morning, the hospital was quiet except from a few murmurs and footsteps as staff passed by. I snuggled down under my blanket one of the nurses had given me and closed my eyes. When I awoke again the sun was up and Jax stood looking over Abels cot.

"Hey" I greeted quietly. He turned revealing a large gash above his eye. "Jesus Jax" I exclaimed going to him.

"It's nothing" he said pulling away and looking back at Abel. "what has the doc said?"

I stood next to him. "He's good, they just wanted to keep him overnight. He can go home in the morning" I paused. "Wherever that is now"

Jax put his arm around me. "We can stay at Moms for now" he replied kissing the top of my head.

I didn't answer. Instead I watched Abel and could feel Jax eyes on me.

Gemma picked us up just after lunch when Abel was given the all clear to go home. She took us back to her house, putting Abel to sleep in Jax' old room.

I stood in shower letting the water rain down on me. I was tired, and in desperate need of a good sleep, but the reality of what had happened over the past 12 hours snuck its way through the walls I had been using to block it, and was starting to play havoc with my head. I officially had nothing, not even a clean pair of underwear. Everything had burned. My guitar, my clothes, my pictures of Ope and me. Everything that defined who I was, was now gone. Without warning the cold empty feeling of regret snaked its way into my heart. I should never have come back. I turned the shower off when the water turned cold and got out wrapping a towel around my shaking frame. Jax sat on the bed of the spare room, waiting for me when I came in.

"Mom left you some clean clothes" He gestured to the slouch yoga pants, singlet top and plaid button down shirt, that lay on the bed beside him. He handed me a plastic bag. "I got you some new underwear. Just from the drug store".

My final ounce of courage evaporated and I started to cry.

Jax got up and drew me into his arms. "hey its ok, they aren't that bad I promise, a little grandma like, but we can go shopping once your dressed and get some more"

The serious worried look on his face just caused a bubble of laughter to come from nowhere and burst out of my mouth. I laughed until my sides hurt and I could barely breath. Jax had joined in the laughing for a while, but was completely lost to the reason for it, he now just looked at me like I was crazy.

"I'm sorry" I said when I had calmed down. "This is not the time I know, but your concern for my underwear was very amusing. I mean why should I cry? I may have lost my whole life last night, but thanks to you I can face the world in clean cotton and lace."

"I don't know what else to do Char" Jax said sitting back on the bed and raking a hand through his hair. "This whole thing is to do with the club, yet you have been a target. I don't even know how to start with the whole 'what can I do to make it up to you'' shit, when you have lost so much"

I finished getting dressed and sat beside him. "The undies were a good start" I said softly. "and they are very comfy"

Jax cradled my face in his hands. "I promised Opie I would protect you, and I have failed over and over" his eyes gleamed with unshed tears.

"I'm still alive aint I?" I replied.

"I will make this better" He said sternly, his grip firm on my face. "I promise" he kissed me.

I lay back on the bed bringing him down with me. "Just hold me" I whispered, snuggling up to him and falling asleep.

When I awoke later that day Jax was gone and I could hear voices, and smell delicious food. I got up and went to see what was happening. I walked into a crowded kitchen with Chibs, Tig and Bobby sitting at the table while Gemma, Clay and Jax stood drinking coffee. Juice smiled as I entered.

"Did I miss the invite?" I attempted to joke as I headed towards the coffee pot. Jax poured me a cup and handed it to me.

"Good sleep?" he whispered kissing my cheek. I nodded as I drunk the hot, slightly burnt tasting coffee.

Clay cleared his throat. "Ah in light of what's been going on lately, and all the shit that's landed on your front step, we thought we should give you something to say we are sorry." He scratched his chin before nodding to Jax, who handed me a wad of cash. "It's a few grand to get you back on your feet, clothes and shit" Clay continued.

I stared at the money in my hand. "I don't need your money Clay" I commented.

"Ah just take it Jackie Girl" Chib's stood up. "We know it's not gonna make everything better, but it might help a little" He pulled a guitar from behind his back. "or at least this will"

My eyes widened greedily taking in the Black Taylor Acoustic Guitar that Chib's held. Without knowing I had moved I had the guitar in my arms, it moulded perfectly and when I strummed it sung.

"I've always dreamed of having one of these" I said, forgetting everyone around me as I plucked the strings. "Guys this is too much" I said eventually.

"Just say thank you" Jax said in my ear. He stood behind me and placed his hands on my hips.

"Thank you," I said still partially in shock.

Jax carefully took the guitar out of my hands. "eat first, then play" he said leading to the main table in the house where it was set up for dinner. I smiled finally feeling relaxed.


	22. Nothing

"So I'll cover my ears and my eyes, pretend that love's the same" I sung quietly playing my guitar. It was late but I couldn't sleep so I had come out onto the back deck. "cos with one courts signature, it all becomes erased. And It aint hard to tell, when its love that we sell, so god if you can hear me, crash this train, I said god if you could hear me, crash this train" I looked up as Jax came out. He ran a hand through his sleep styled hair and sat on the step beside me. He lit up the join and took a drag.

"Was I too loud?" I asked hugging my guitar to me and resting my chin on the top of it

"Nah you're good" he replied. "I was just missing you" He moved a piece of hair that had fallen over my face. "You ok?"

"Just couldn't sleep" I replied "Keep thinking about everything that's been going on since I came back."

"Do you have regrets?" Jax asked watching me.

"About coming back?" I looked out over the back garden. "just recently, I wonder. A lot of shits happened in such a small time. I've lost so much. My family, my brother, my jobs. It scares the shit out of me that all I have left is you, and if anything was to happen."

Jax covered his hand with mine. "Nothing's gonna happen, I promise" his blue eyes searched mine.

"You can't promise that" I argued, choking on unshed tears. "They blew your house up, they've driven you off the road, they shot you. Even a cat only has a limit of lives." I ran a hand through my hair.

"I've had worse" Jax tried to joke, grinning.

"You think this is funny? Fuck you Jax" I stood up and turned on him. "Don't you dare joke about this! I have nothing! Nothing! You can sit there and you can grin and laugh about everything, but you have a Mom who actually gives a shit whether you exist, you have the club, friends, a fucking life. I have nothing. I have you. That's it and you think it's a great time to laugh at that? Fuck you! Yeah I do have regrets. I regret ever coming back to this shit hole." I stormed inside, a little over dramatic even for me, but I was tired, scared and living with my future in laws. Life at this stage, was not coming up roses. I went back to our room, stuffed the money the club had given me in my pocket, grabbed my keys and my guitar, and headed out of the front door to my car. I started the engine as Jax came out of the house towards me. Ignoring him, I put the car in drive and took off from the curb. I didn't really have a destination. I just knew I had to get out. I drove just out of Charming, and pulled into a Motel on the side of the road. I paid for one night at the office and locked myself away in a stale bad smelling room. My phone flashed with missed calls and messages from Jax. I knew I should talk to him, but I didn't have the energy. I switched the phone off and curled up in bed listening to the alien noises outside. It didn't take long until I fell into a dreamless sleep.

Sometime through the night the air con quit and I woke feeling like I was lying in a sauna. I dragged myself into the bathroom and turned the shower on. While I waited for it to warm up I turned my phone on. Instantly messages beeped. I clicked open one from Jax.

 _"I'm pissed, and I will find you"_ it read.

I rolled my eyes and text him back

" _Dramatic much?"_

His reply was instant. _"Says the girl who drove off in the middle of the night?"_

 _"Seemed like a good idea at the time"_

 _"Where are you"_

 _"First motel out of charming"_

 _"Wow you really ran"_ his sarcasm oozed through that text.

There was a knock on my door. I walked over to the door and pulled it open. Jax leaned against the door frame. I stood shocked.

"What? How'd you get here so fast?" I looked past him for his bike.

"Juice dropped me off about 20 minutes ago. I was in the coffee shop waiting for you to wake up" He explained grinning at me.

I put my hands on my hips pouting. "God I suck at running away"

"You always did even as a kid" Jax pulled me into his arms as he stepped into the motel room shutting the door with his foot, behind him. He cupped my face firmly in his hands and looked seriously into my eyes. "Don't run from me again" he said quietly but I could feel the threat beneath his words, reminding me I was playing with fire. Part of me was paralyzed with fear, the other part of me was kissing him back as he pulled off my clothes, tasting my skin with his tongue, and sending shivers through me. "God you consume me" Jax whispered taking my body in as we both stood facing each other naked. He pushed me gently back on the bed lying on top of me, as he slid between my legs.


	23. Angels

_**Thank you everyone for your amazing comments. I apologize for not posting sooner, I have been away with my family on holiday. Thank you for all your patience. -**_

Jax was lacing up his last shoe when I came out of the shower. I pulled a brush through my hair as I watched him put his gun holster on before covering it with his cut.

"Do we have to go back?" I asked. "back to the crazy" I rested my elbow on my knee and my chin on my hand. "why can't I stay here, and you could come and visit. like a lot. and we could sneak around and be happy"

Jax crouched in front of me. "Because you would hate hiding out here, and probably take it out on me, and we wouldn't be happy."

"So we just go back to normal life? I go back to work; you do whatever you do" I asked. "There are people out there trying to kill you"

"There are always people who will try and kill me" Jax said, a little too seriously. His eyes were sad. "It comes with the territory." He ran his hands up the sides of my thighs. "But I can look after myself, so you don't need to worry. I'm not going anywhere ok?"

I moved his cut out of the way and touched the handle of his gun that sat just under his arm. "Have you ever killed anyone with this?" I asked carefully. Jax nodded his eyes watching me. I unclipped the small strap and pulled the gun out, holding it in my hand. It was heavy, cold. It felt like death.

"This part of your life, of the club always scared me" I spoke softly. "I knew that Dad wouldn't be going out just to hang with Clay on their bikes. I saw mum scrubbing blood out of shirts. Tears streaming down. I thought I was helping her once, when I got to them first and tried to get them clean. I was only 9. She cried for hours, then when dad came home, screamed at him for hours. Opie told me it was my fault. That I shouldn't ever do that again." I looked up at Jax. He took the gun back and put it away in his holster.

"Come on" He said standing and pulling me to my feet. "Let's get outta here" I followed him out to my car and got in the passenger seat as Jax jumped in behind the wheel. "we need to go shopping"

I stared at him. "Jax Teller is volunteering to go shopping? Good Lord I think I just saw a pig fly"

He chuckled. "Well usually I'd rather be shot in the foot then dragged round the mall" he confessed, turning the car towards Lodi and the mall.

I woke in the night to the sound of crying. I had gone to bed with Jax and now beside me was empty and cold. I got up and pulled on one of jax shirts as I crossed the room to the door. Opening it I could see Jax and Gemma across the hall in Abel's room. Jax cradled Abel to him as he shushed quietly. His sons tears wet his red angry face, but the gentle tone of Jax voice was slowly soothing him. Gemma watched her son, arms crossed.

"You ready to bring another kid into this family?" She asked him quietly.

"Don't start mom" Jax said.

"You're barely here to be with this one" she touched her grandsons head.

"It will be fine" Jax said rocking Abel.

Gemma shrugged. "I just don't think she's ready, for any of this"

"She grew up with all of this" Jax replied. "She, more than anyone is ready"

Gemma shrugged. "We'll see" she took Abel off him. "I'll put him back down for you" she said.

Jax kissed her cheek. "Thanks mom"

I quickly got back in bed and snuggled under the covers before he returned. He slipped under the covers.

"You suck at sneaking around" he whispered to me, making me smile.

"Shh I'm sleeping" I replied back. Jax kissed me on my nose.

Summer holidays were looming close, and everyone at school were counting down the days until that last bell rang and 2 months of vacation began. I looked at the senior music students as they chatted and jammed in the class. I had given them a free period where basically they could muck around. I was far too excited to concentrate on teaching them. It was the last class of the day, and after that bell rang I was headed to the hospital to find out if I was carrying a boy or a girl. I had hit the 20 week mark, and was sporting a rather round bump which I couldn't help rubbing all the time. It had become quite the habit, almost like I was expecting a genie to just pop out and grant me wishes. When the final bell finally rang I headed to my car and drove to St Thomas where I was meeting Jax. I expected to see him when I pulled into the carpark but there was no sign of him or his bike. I grabbed my bag and headed into the maternity area. When I was sitting in the waiting room I sent him a text.

" _where are you?"_

I didn't get a reply before I was called into the room. The sonographer, Jodi, got me all settled on the bed and covered my bare belly in cold jelly before starting the ultrasound and watching the computer. I saw a perfect shape of a baby on the black and white screen and smiled. "wow" I said.

"seems a good size" she replied smiling at me. Then her smile faded as she pressed a few buttons on her computer and moved the ultrasound wand more around my belly. I watched her face as she continued to study the screen, while chewing on her lip. She was quiet for a long time.

"Is all ok?" I asked quietly.

Her eyes fell on mine. "Charlotte when was the last time you felt baby move?" she asked.

I tried to remember. I had only just started feeling something, but I had been busy all day and last night I had gone to bed early. I frowned. "I'm not sure" I replied. "Maybe yesterday, early"

"I'm just going to go get Dr Chan" she said forcing a smile as she slipped out of the room. My heart was pounding. I checked my phone. Still no reply from Jax.

Jodi came back in the room a few minutes later with Dr Chan, my Obstetrician. Dr Chan sat and moved the wand over my stomach, concentrating on the screen for what seemed like forever. She turned her kind brown eyes onto me.

"Charlotte, is Jax here with you?" she asked putting the wand back on its hook.

"I don't know where he is" I answered honestly. "Why? What's going on?"

Dr Chan helped me up till I was sitting. "Baby's heart has stopped. I'm so sorry Char,"

"Stopped? You mean...?" I couldn't say it.

She nodded and touched my hand. "Do you want me to call Jax?"

I shook my head, trying to process what she was telling me. My baby, my beautiful baby had died inside me. "Did I do this?"

"God no" Dr Chan said "We can do some tests when baby's born and we can find out what happened. But you didn't do this"

"I have to still give birth?" I asked.

Dr Chan nodded. "We have to get baby out Char. That's the best way. Let's get you settled and we will talk more about it ok"

I nodded completely in a daze.


	24. Emilia

Emilia Grace was born in the early hours of the morning, weighing a tiny 390grams after 9 hours of labour. They gave her to me to hold. She was so tiny, and light as I held her over my heart, willing hers to beat again. I would never know the colour of her eyes, the sound of her voice, the beautiful tune of her laugh. She will forever be a sleeping angel. I held her, and sung to her, wishing to wake up from whatever dream I was in. When the finally took her away, I felt like they took my soul with them. I felt cold and empty as they wheeled me back into my room on the ward. Alone. Without a baby in my arms. When the nurses had left I curled up on my side and stared out the window. I watched the sun rise over Charming, I heard the nurses change their shifts. I saw the world carry on as if nothing happened, and I felt so angry and betrayed by it. Dr Chan came into see me later that morning.

"I finally got hold of Jax" she said, sitting down on the side of my bed. "He's on his way in"

I didn't say anything but just kept my gaze on the window.

"Emilia has gone for an autopsy" she continued. "Then she will come back and the coroners will take her." I felt her touch my hand. "I'm so sorry this happened Char"

I didn't reply and didn't look away from the window until she had left the room. I got up out of the bed, and changed back into my clothes, stopping every now and then when the after pains of giving birth stirred. Once dressed I grabbed my bag and discharged myself out of the hospital. Once in my car I drove home to Gemma's house. I found her in the kitchen when I entered the back door.

"Sweetheart" she said coming towards me.

"I'm fine" I ducked out of the way to avoid contact.

Gemma eyed me sceptically. "Where's Jax"

"That's the million-dollar question isn't it" I started making myself a coffee.

"We got caught down in Nevada" Clay explained as he walked into the room. "Patch over. We couldn't leave"

I shrugged. "I get it, club business."

"Hey" Gemma caught my arm. "Jax is real hurt he wasn't there. He was headed to you as soon as the Doc called him. You didn't see him?"

"I didn't wait around for the chance" I sipped my coffee and sat at the table, lighting a cigarette.

Clay put a hand on my shoulder. "I'm real sorry kid" he said. "Real sorry"

I shrugged his hand off. "Thanks" I muttered before puffing on my smoke.

Gemma was about to say something when the back door flew open and Jax entered.

"Char" he said coming towards me and kneeling beside my chair. He touched my face, turning it towards him. His eyes searched my emotionless ones.

"We had a girl" I said in a flat voice. "Emilia Grace Teller."

Jax closed his eyes for a few seconds, tears shimmering in them when they opened again. "Wow, a little girl" he reached for my hand but I pulled it away and stood.

"I need to have a shower" I said picking up my coffee and carrying it with me to our room.

Jax was waiting for me when I came out of the shower.

"Your angry at me. I get it" Jax said. "But you have to understand I didn't have a choice. I had every intention to be with you yesterday, but we ran into the Mayans." He ran a hand through his hair. "I came as soon as I could"

"I'm really tired Jax" I went to move past him but he caught my hand and pulled me into his arms, holding me firmly.

"Don't avoid me" he said quietly. "I hate that you had to go through all of this on your own. God Char I don't even know how to begin to make it up to you. But please don't shut me out. I'm here now. "

My first thought was to just push him away. To hate him. To blame everything on him, because I needed to do that. I was so angry at him for not being there. But the longer his arms stayed firm around me, the more I started to lose that anger for him. I curled my arms around his neck tucking my head under his chin. The wall that I had built over the past 16 hours came crashing down and gut wrenching sobs shook my body as I cried. At some point Jax moved me over to the bed and sat still holding me. I don't know how long we sat wrapped up together but eventually my tears subsided and my sobs ceased.

"I wish I could have seen her. Held her." Jax said. "That's the worst part for me" He sniffed. "I never got to meet my little girl"

"Wait" I said standing and going to my bag. I got out the photos of Emilia that the nurses had taken and handed them to Jax.

His hand flew to his mouth as he saw them. "She's so tiny" he said.

We sat looking at the photos together before Gemma knocked on the door. She popped her head in.

"There's some dinner on the stove, when your ready" she said, before disappearing again.

I took the photos back off Jax and put them back in my bag.

"You hungry?" asked Jax watching me.

I shook my head. "Not really". I curled up on my side on the bed "I might just have a sleep"

Jax pulled the blanket over me, and lay down beside me. "I'll be right here" he said kissing my cheek.

When I woke the room was in darkness, with only a little light coming from the side lamp by the bed. Jax sat writing in a small notebook. Something he did a lot. He had told me once he was writing them for Abel for when he was older. I thought that was such a sweet idea. I moved and rested my head on his thigh.

"Hey" he said putting his book and pen back in his shirt pocket and stroking my head. "Feeling a bit better?"

"There's a moment when I wake, just before reality sinks in, that I think I'm still pregnant, and she's still alive" I said. "I think that's the worst bit of it all"

Jax moved so he was lying face to face with me. "We will get through this." He said. "Together"

I smiled at him. "I hope so Jax. I really do"

Jax gently placed his lips on mine, kissing me softly, as his arms wrapped around me pulling me close.


	25. Caught

In the days that followed Jax never left my side. We had a small ceremony for Emilia before getting her tiny body cremated. Now my child sat in a jar of ashes in our cupboard as I refused to have it sitting anywhere I could see it. I didn't need the constant reminder. I already had that thanks to the painful full leaking breasts that came with having a baby. My body hadn't been told that there was no baby to feed. I took the meds the doctors gave me and shoved cabbage leaves down my bra until, after a couple of weeks later, my boobs were back to normal. Jax found us a new place to live that was our own. A cute two bed split level on a quiet street with a small backyard for Abel. It felt so good to have our own little place again, away from Gemma's constant watch. I knew she was just looking out for me, but I just didn't want the attention. I was better off dealing with all of it on my own. I kept my thoughts to myself, plastered a smile on my face and got on with whatever needed doing. I returned back to work and finished the final 2 weeks of the semester before the Summer holidays. Now I had 2 months of doing absolutely nothing. After a few weeks in our new place, we had a garden party for Abels first birthday. Gemma had planned most of it, and turned up early to set everything out. I was sitting having coffee still in my pj pants and singlet when she let herself in.

"late night sweetheart?" she asked eyeing my attire.

"You have your grandson to blame for that" I replied. "guess he was excited" I drank my coffee.

"Where's Jax?"

I nodded to the back door. "Setting up some play swing thing" I replied lighting a cigarette and blowing out the smoke. "Juice is helping"

Gemma sat down at the table opposite me. "Are you ok with all of this, today" she asked.

I shrugged. "Life goes on right"

Gemma raised her eyebrow.

"I'm ok" I sighed. "yeah part of me wants to just run and hide, but I can't. Its Abel's day. It's not about me" I finished my smoke and stubbed it out in the ash tray. "I better get dressed"

By 11am our small backyard was crammed with Sons and their old ladies. A few of them had their kids too who were happily playing on all the new toys. Abel was off with Gemma getting cleaned up after his cake smash. I stood to the side drinking my beer and watched quietly. My Dad came over.

"hey" he said clinking his bottle on mine. "How you doing"

"Peachy" I replied looking at him.

"Yeah you look like the life of the party" he said sarcastically.

"Bite me" came my reply.

He drank his beer looking around the yard. "This can't be easy" he commented.

I just shrugged. "I'm fine"

"You look like shit"

"You know you don't get to come in here, after being MIA for months, and try and play parent" I growled.

"I know I've struggled with Opies death, and I haven't been here for you" Piney explained. "But I'm still your father"

"You are nothing to me" I spat out, my voice turning a few heads. "you made your choice, to go and sulk and forget anyone else existed. Including your own daughter." I pushed him, not caring that my old man lived on oxygen that filtered through tubes into his nose. "so don't you dare come back here and try to play that card. I hate you" I screamed the last words at him, pushing him right over, before Chibs took hold of me and pulled me away.

"Oi, not the time Charlie girl" he said as all the guests stared at me. Jax walked towards me his face serious.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Nothing" I muttered shrugging Chibs' arm off me.

"Can you have your family drama some other time?" Asked Jax.

"He's not my family" I replied angrily.

Jax blue eyes were cold when the landed on mine. "This is my son's birthday; can you please just try to be nice"

"Oh I forgot, he's Samcro." I replied. "No matter what he does, he still shits rainbows to you" I pushed passed Jax and headed back inside.

"She's a walking time bomb" Chibs commented.

"yeah I know" Jax replied.

Gemma looked up from where she was feeding Abel in the kitchen as I stormed past. Clay and Bobby were also there talking. They all stopped when they saw me. I ignored them and grabbed my bag.

"heading out sweet heart?" Gemma asked.

"yeah I gotta do some stuff" I replied grabbing my car keys. I kissed Abel on his head and went out the front to my car, taking off before Jax made it to the driveway.

I drove to Lodi, to the bar I used to work at. Adele and Carrie were working so I took a seat at the side of the bar.

"It's so good to see you" Adele commented putting a glass of bourbon in front of me.

I sat and chatted and drunk at the bar with them until closing.

When it was time to go I hesitated. I didn't really want to go back to Jax. I did feel bad for causing a scene at Abel's birthday, but in my defence someone could have warned me that Piney was back. I sighed and started my car, heading back to Charming. I had passed the welcome sign when a police cruiser flashed his lights from behind me. I pulled the car over and wound down the window.

Deputy Hale appeared beside my car.

"Hey Charlotte" he greeted as I handed him my license and registration.

"Hale" came my reply.

"You been drinking?" he asked.

"Yep"

"Explains the extremely bad driving I've been witness to for the past 2 miles".

"Cut me a break Hale." I begged. "It's been a shit day"

He looked at me for a while. "I know you've had it rough lately, but I can't ignore this" he opened the door. "I gotta take you in"

I'm not entirely sure why I pulled the gun out of my bag and aimed it at Hale, but at the time it seemed like the logical thing to do. Hale took a step back, his hand on his own weapon.

"You don't want to be doing this" he said slowly. "Put the gun down"

"I've had a really bad day" I said to him. "I really would like to just be left alone"

"I can't do that" Hale said. "Don't make this any worse then what it is"

"But I'll lose my job" I said tears falling down my cheeks.

"If give me the gun, I will forget you even pulled it on me" Hale said. "It's your best option"

I looked at my hands that were shaking as they held the gun. Slowly I handed it over to Hale and got out of the car. I let him handcuff me and followed him back to his cruiser where he put me in the back seat. The drive to Charming Police Station seemed like it took forever. As Hale led me in I passed Chief Unser who frowned when he saw me in handcuffs. I knew that as soon as I was out of sight he would be calling Jax.

"I don't want to see Jax" I said to Hale when he led me into a holding cell.

"If he's hurt you" Hale replied.

"No" I exclaimed. "it's nothing like that. Just keep him away please"

Hale shut the cell door and locked it. "I'll do my best" he said before leaving me alone.


	26. Ruby

Hale kept his word. Although Jax had come earlier to bail me out, he had been sent away. In the morning I followed Hale out of the holding cell and into the station. He handed me my bag. "Be careful" he said before letting me go. I thanked him then headed to the door. The sun blinded me slightly, as I left the building, causing the ache in my head increase. I rummaged through my bag for my sunglasses then put them on. That's when I saw Jax. He was leaning on his bike, feet crossed at the ankles, hands in his pockets. God damn he looked hot. And also really pissed off. I took a breath then walked towards him.

"Hey" I said stopping in front of him.

He stood up and handed me a helmet.

"Jax"

He ignored me and got on his bike, gunning the engine. I got on the back behind him and held on as he took off, a little too quickly, from the curb. Out of habit I slipped my hand under his shirt, and lent my head against his back, holding him tight. If he was really mad this quite possibly could be the last time I got to touch him again. Jax pulled his bike off the road near a park and got off. I stayed sitting watching him pace.

"You drive me fucking insane" he yelled at me. "Half the time I don't know if I should fuck you or shoot you" he ran a hand through his hair. "Ever since I can remember I was always saving your ass from getting in trouble. You just don't think Char" I let him rant on as he clearly had to get it out of his system. "You pulled a fucking gun on Hale! What were you thinking?"

"I don't know"

Jax stood in front of me. "What were even doing with a gun anyway. You hate guns"

I shrugged. "I took it a while ago. It's just been in my bag. I had it last night because" I looked away. "I wanted to take the ache in my heart away"

Jax grabbed my chin tightly, turning my face towards him. "Oh Char, you wouldn't."

"Seems I'm not even that brave" I sniffed letting the tears fall. Jax pulled me up off the bike and into his arms, holding me tight.

"Don't ever do that" he whispered.

I nodded wrapping my arms around his neck and laying a kiss under his ear.

"I've felt like that so many times, Char. I know what that darkness is like." He said.

After getting back on the bike, we rode straight to TM. Jax held my hand as he led me into the clubrooms.

"Jail bird" Tigg greeted me as we entered.

"bite me" was my reply as I sat down at the bar next to him.

"Your officially one of the gang" Chibs patted my shoulder, as he walked past. Juice put a whiskey down in front of me, giving me a wink.

"Yeah yeah, laugh it up" I took a sip of my drink.

"You going to be ok here while we have Chapel?" asked Jax quietly.

"I'll be fine" I replied toasting him with my glass. He kissed my cheek then followed the others into their meeting room. I helped myself to a bottle of whiskey and took that and my glass over to one of the couches and curled up on it. After I lit a cigarette I happily worked my way through most of the bottle. By the time Jax and the others came out of Chapel I was happily strumming on Bobbies guitar he had left lying around. I didn't pay much attention to anyone as I played, lost in the music. "I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me, I sleep I wake, I try hard not to break, Am I not pretty enough, is my heart too broken, Do I cry too much, Am I too outspoken." I smiled up at Jax as I continued singing "Don't I make you laugh, should I try it harder, why do you see right through me" When I finished the song I finished my whiskey and was about to pour another when Jax took the bottle off me.

"Lets get out of here" he said pulling me to my feet and handing Bobby back his guitar.

"Bye Jail bird" Tigg called out. I flicked him the finger causing laughter to follow me out of the club.

"I got some stuff to do" Jax said when we got to his bike. "Wanna tag along?"

I raised my eye brow at it. "Is this your excuse to babysit me?"

Jax grinned. "No darlin, just wanna spend today with you" He pulled my hips towards him, squeezing my but. "You're drunk" he noted.

"Are you going to take advantage of me Mr Teller?" I asked grabbing his shirt.

"Absolutely" he said kissing me. I laughed and got on the back of his bike.

First stop was what looked like a storage shed by the docks. I looked suspiciously at Jax.

"Remember Luanne? Ottos Old lady?" Jax asked, taking his riding gloves off.

"The porno chick?" I asked.

Jax grinned. "And as of last week, our official business partner"

"Samcro does porno now?" I rolled my eyes. "Tigg must be in pussy heaven"

Jax put his arm around my shoulders and laughed leading me inside. The place smelt like lube and rubber, causing me to screw my nose up a little. We walked further in and I got to experience what shooting a porn scene was really like. I couldn't help but stare. I wouldn't say I'd lived a shelted life but there were somethings that was going on in front of me that even I didn't know what it could possibly be. Jax just laughed at me.

"Mingle, I gotta go sort out an admin problem" he said kissing my neck before leaving me alone. I had never felt so over dressed in my life compared to half the girls that were around me. A few snarled at me, yet some seemed friendly sitting around talking. I made my way over to them.

"Hi" I greeted. "Mind if I sit with you guys"

"Of course hunny." A blonde girl said. "I'm Lyla"

"Charlotte" I replied.

"Jax old lady." Lyla commented. "You were the music chick who went off to college"

"That would be me" I said.

Lyla offered me a glass of wine, which I took gratefully.

"Ever done porn?" Lyla asked smiling.

I almost spat my mouthfull of wine back in my glass. "Ah no, can't say I have. I did strip once, but it was more a dare then anything else."

"Aww Jax got himself a preacher girl" a girl commented across from me.

"That's Ruby, just ignore her" Lyla said. "She has a thing for Jax"

"Yeah, who do you think kept him company while you were gone" Ruby added. "oh wait, I think I was the reason you left" she laughed.

I gritted my teeth as my temper rose. "Oh I didn't recognise you with your clothes on" I remarked gulping my drink down.

"I'll be here when Jax gets bored of you again" she went to storm past me, but I shoved her hard into the wall. "Bitch" she screamed coming at me nails out. She got a good scrape of my cheek as she pulled my hair. I got in a perfect right hook before Jax grabbed my arms and pulled me away.

"What are you doing?" He demanded at the two of us.

"Jax your old lady needs a leash" Ruby cried from where she had landed on the ground.

"Oh you haven't seen my bite yet" I added trying to get to her.

"enough" Jax pulled me away. I shrugged off his grip and stormed off out of the building. I lent against the wall waiting for Jax who appeared a few minutes later. "What was that about?"

"Just making friends" I muttered.

"I think you broke her nose" he said putting his hands on the wall either side of me.

"She deserved it." I pulled of the perfect pout causing Jax to push his body gently against mine.

"You fighting is kinda hot" he said gently biting my lower lip, before kissing me.

"You're mine" I replied. "I gotta defend my man"

Jax laughed the, grabbing my hand pulled me towards the bike.


	27. Tyler

**_I know its been ages, am so sorry! Hit a major wall with this, but think i'm on track again. Thanks again to everyone who has liked/followed this and the great reviews._**

Jax was heading back to the club house. When we pulled in there was a familiar Volvo parked to the side. My heart dropped as I got off Jax bike and looked around. Standing outside the office talking to Gemma, was Tyler, the guy I had been with before moving back to Charming. The guy whose mother was the reason for me moving back to Charming. I ran a hand through my hair and took a deep breath as he walked towards me. Jax took his helmet off but stayed seated on his bike.

"Whose that?" he asked.

I didn't answer as Tyler stopped in front of me, His ice green eyes bore into mine as his flawless face effortlessly fell into a smile.

"Charlotte" he greeted hugging me. "Wow you look amazing"

I stepped back against Jax and his bike. "What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I needed to talk to you" came his reply. His eyes flicked to Jax. "Tyler" he said offering his hand.

Jax ignored his hand and instead got off his bike and put an arm around my shoulders. "What can we do for you Tyler" he asked, his eyes cold, his voice sharp.

Tyler glanced back at me. "I ah have some information I thought you would be interested in." he replied. "About a man called Zobelle"

I felt Jax stiffen beside me.

"How do you know him?" I asked.

"He's my God father" Tyler replied. "can we go somewhere to talk. Please?"

"Office" Jax stated walking towards it, half dragging me with him.

"I didn't know he was coming" I whispered to Jax as we entered. "I swear"

Jax looked at me but didn't say anything. I sat down on the sofa as Tyler entered. He took a chair across from me. Jax stood beside me. My sexy bodyguard.

"So talk" Jax said.

Tyler lent forward. "I don't know where to start. So many lies have been told, and stories planted. " He sighed. "First I wanted to say I'm sorry. The way I treated you, the way my family did. It was unforgivable. When mom asked me to date you, I never thought I would actually fall in love with you" he reached for my hand but I pulled away.

"Your mother told you to date me?, I don't understand" I said.

Tyler rubbed his hands over his face. "My father is part of the White Supremisist Group that Zobelle belongs to. They both met in college, and started the group. When Zorbelle approached my father about the Sons of Anarchy, my mother already knew who you were as soon as you started working at the school. They thought that if I made you fall for me, perhaps you would open up about your life in Charming. My job was to woo you, propose then break your heart sending you straight back here."

"You never proposed." I muttered. I could feel Jax eyes on me.

"I never got the chance." replied Tyler. "Mom realised that I had actually fallen for you, she freaked and well, you know the rest"

"Why are you here now?" Demanded Jax.

"When they blew your house up and with a baby inside, I realised how sick my parents were." He reached into his bag that had been sitting at his feet and pulled out a manilla folder. "If they knew I was here" he shook his head. "I can't do anything about Zobelle, but maybe you can." He handed the file to Jax. "In there is everything you need to know about where he is and who is working for him." Tyler stood. "I really am sorry Charlotte" he said sadly. I couldn't say anything as I watched him walk out the door. Jax dropped the file on the desk beside him bringing my attention back to the room.

"Almost proposed huh?" he said.

"I don't want to talk about it" I said heading out the office door.

Jax followed me. "I think now is a good time to talk about it"

I turned on him. "What do you want me to say Jax? That I went away like everyone told me? That I got on with my life and met someone? And now I find out it was all a really bad joke, and once again its all about this club?" I didn't want to cry over Tyler, but all the hurt and the memories came flooding back, causing tears to fall.

"Char" Jax reached out to me.

I backed away shaking my head. "No I can't. I just need to … I need to leave" I turned and walked into the clubrooms. Chibs was at the bar.

"Charlie girl what can I get ya?" he asked, then saw my face. "Whats going on?"

"I need a ride, can you take me home?" I asked.

He looked up at Jax who had walked in behind me. "Ah sure thing" he said leading me out through the door to his bike. He handed me his helmet and I got on behind him. As we took off from TM I saw Jax standing still, just watching.


	28. Never My Love

I felt a hand rest on my head, jolting me out of my sleep. I sat up realising I was still on the couch in the lounge. Jax sat on the coffee table in front of me. His face was weary, his eyes ice. I pulled the throw around my shoulders.

"What time is it?" I asked hoarsly.

"After 2" came his reply. His breath smelt like whiskey and cigarettes.

"Your angry at me" I noted.

"Damn right I'm angry." He replied. "you should have told me the truth about him"

"I didn't lie" I argued.

"Leaving out important bits like almost being engaged, is just as bad as lying" he stood up and paced across the room. "did you love him?" he asked keeping his back to me.

"I don't really know." I replied. " I had just found out you were married! I couldn't spend the rest of my life pining after you. You can't be angry for that"

Jax closed the gap between us. "I never loved Wendy. I told you that." He said angrily. "guess you got over me real quick when mr ivy league showed up."

I slapped him, hard across his face, causing my hand to ache. "how dare you. I never stopped loving you and you know that"

"Lies have a way of coming round to bite us" he spat back, grabbing my wrist when I went for another hit. We glared at each other, inches apart.

"Well you can be happy that I was just a pawn to get to your club. Collateral Damage." I pulled away and headed towards the kitchen. It didn't surprise me that a few seconds later Jax stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

Gemma picked Abel up early from me the next morning. I was grateful not to be questioned by her about where Jax was, but I saw her looks.

"Abel can stay with me tonight" she offered getting into her car.

"Thanks Gemma" I replied. I sheilded my eyes from the sun as she sped away. As I turned around I saw Tyler leaning on a car across the road.

"I don't want to talk to you" I said heading towards the house.

Tyler jogged across the street, grabbing my arm, turning me to face him. "Charlotte please"

"You come in here, you drop this bomb shell, ruin my life again and expect me to just have a chat?" I pushed away.

"I wanted to make things right. "

"You wanted to stop feeling guilty." Came my reply. "Well guess what? I moved on."

Tyler nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets.

A low grumble of a bike sounded in the distance.

"You have to go" I said watching the corner of the road for Jax. "You can't be here when Jax gets home"

"Why are you scared of him?" Tyler asked taking a step closer and putting his hand on my arm just as Jax came round the corner.

I yanked my hand back and pushed him away. "Im scared for you. Go"

Tyler stood his ground as Jax pulled his bike in the drive, got off and walked towards us. I knew by his stance that he was not happy seeing Tyler and I together.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded, walking towards Tyler.

"Jax, leave it" I stood in front of him, hands on his chest. He pushed me away causing me to fall. Tyler moved to help me but received a fist in his jaw from Jax.

"Get off my property" Jax growled. "Before I really get mad"

Tyler looked at me, but I wouldn't meet his eyes. "Fine" he said before storming to his car, and getting in. Jax watched him till his car dissappeared round the corner.

I hugged my knees from where I still sat on the ground. Jax stood over me.

"What was he doing here?" He asked.

"He was standing by his car when Gemma left with Abel. He said he had come to talk. " I replied keeping my gaze away. "I had nothing to say to him"

Jax crouched down in front of me making me flinch. He reached out and moved my hair off my face.

"I was angry last night" Jax said. "but not at you, at what he did to you."

"Well serves me right" I muttered standing. "I need a shower" I headed off inside. I didn't get far as Jax grabbed my arm roughly pulling me towards him.

He crushed his lips onto mine, bruising them with his kisses. He pushed me backwards until my back hit the wall of the house. I struggled under his anger, trying to get away from his pinching hands as they slid under my top. He moved me more into the house, slamming the door behind me before my singlet was ripped off me. His mouth moved to my neck as his hands grabbed the waist of my pj pants.

"Don't do this" I begged as he continued his assault.

"What?" he asked. "Im not good for you now Tylers back" he asked slamming me against the hallway wall. I cried out in pain as my head hit the wall.

"Get off me" I managed to push him away enough to slip past and lock myself in the bathroom.

My hands shook as I rested them on the sink and stared at myself in the mirror. My lips were swollen, and the bottom one split from where it had been pushed against my teeth. There were bite marks and bruising down my neck, and more bruising under my rib cage. I sat down on the side of the bath as sobs tore through my body.

"Char" Jax knocked on the door. "God Char I'm so sorry"

"Go away, please"

"Just seeing you two together before just drove me insane" his voice cracked. "I would never hurt you, I can't believe I just did that"

"You asked me if I loved him?" I said opening the door. "It wasn't love. It was a need to be loved. I tried to believe it was real, but it wasn't. Love is raw, and it hurts, it's a sweet aching pain that never leaves you. It haunts you. I have only every loved you. You don't need to brand me to prove that" I pushed past him and went into the kitchen. Pouring a glass of whiskey I sat down at the table and with shaking hands took a sip. Jax quietly sat opposite me. I pushed my glass towards him and he gulped the rest of the liquard down.

"I saw red" he said looking at the glass in his hand. "what he did, what he put you through. The hurt on your face when you realised it was all a scam. I was just so angry"

"Jax, what happened was not ok, but I'm no abused housewife. You've never raised a hand to me before, and god knows I deserve it. But I swear to you Jackson Teller. If you ever do that shit to me again, I will leave you." I sat back in the chair and lit a cigarette.

Jax reached for my hand and held it. "I wont I promise" he kissed my knuckles. "Im so sorry"

I pulled my hand back and poured him another drink. "Its done. Lets just move on." I filled another glass for me and swigged it back. Whiskey for breakfast. Why not?


	29. Highway to Hell

When Jax went for a shower, I slipped on some shorts, a singlet and trainers, and quietly left the house. It had been so long since I had last gone for a run, but due to not having a car at present, it was the only way of getting out of the house. I pulled my cap further down over my eyes as I turned the corner and headed up main street. I was still so shaken by Jax and what he had done. My head was muddled. I found myself wishing that Donna was still alive. She would have known what to say, what to drink, and how to cope with everything. She would have given Jax a piece of her mind. She always had a way of getting the boys to listen. I continued running till I got to the diner. I found a booth near the back and ordered a coffee. I didn't know how long I sat there but by the time I tuned back into the world, the sun had set. The door to the diner opened and Jax walked in. I watched as he walked towards my table, nodding a greeting at Darla, the girl behind the counter, who grinned back at him. I rolled my eyes and focused on my empty coffee cup, and sugar cube tower I was building. Jax slid into the booth across from me and rested his arms on the table.

"Been wondering where you went" he said quietly, linking his fingers together. "thought you would of skipped town by now"

I shrugged. "Not the best at running away remember?" I commented.

Jax took my hand causing me to flinch. He gently rubbed his thumb across my palm. "you don't need to be afraid of me" he said quietly.

"I know" I forced a smile. "Am just jumpy. Too many of these" I took my hand back and picked up my cup. I laughed but even that sounded off.

Jax watched me weariliy but didn't comment. Darla appeared at his side with a cup and a pot of coffee. We stayed silent as she put the cup infront of Jax, making sure she bent just enough to show him her girls, then filled it up with coffee. Jax eyes didn't move off me. Darla filled up my cup too, then sighing, headed back to the counter.

"So Clays got us doing a run to Nevada tomorrow, " Jax began.

"Guns?" I said softly.

Jax nodded. "Be gone about 2 weeks" he reclaimed my hand in his. "Come with me"

"Can't see Clay or the others agreeing with that" I replied skeptically.

"I just been to church, its all organised. Even Clay thinks it's a good idea. Get you outta charming for a bit"

" What about Abel?" I asked.

"Between Mum and the nanny he'll be well looked after" Jax kissed my fingers, popping one in his mouth and darting his tongue up the side of it. A shot of arousal ran through me. Jax grinned at me. I pulled my hand away, blushing at the thoughts I was having in a crowded diner.

"That sounds nice" I replied. "A road trip"

Jax stood out of the booth, "Lets go home darlin" he said holding his hand out. I took it and followed him outside to his bike.

We met at TM early that next morning. I had packed light and my bag was tucked saftley in Jax bikes saddle bags. On the back of the bike were two blanket rolls filled with illegal hand guns, which made me nervous and on edge. Jax sat on the side of his bike and pulled me towards him.

"Just play it cool. No need to be nervous" he said quietly, he stood and curling his hand around my neck pulled me in for a kiss.

"Lets do this" Clay said coming out of the cubrooms and heading for his bike.

Jax pulled back and rested his forehead on mine. "Ready?" he whispered.

I nodded and got on the back of his bike. Jax got on in front of me and I slipped my arms around him, nervous, yet excited about the journey ahead. We rode for a couple of hours straight before pulling into a gas station and rest stop. Jax switched the bike off as I got off . It felt good to stretch my legs.

"You ok darlin?" he asked taking his helmet off.

"My but is numb" was my reply.

Jax laughed getting up and pulled me into his arms. "Ya get used to it" his hands massaged my arse. "Dude do we have to put up with this mush all the way" Tigg moaned as he walked past heading into the store. I laughed pulling away and following him inside.

"Jealous?" I asked.

"Extremely" he winked at me and headed to the hot food area. I headed to the cold drinks and got a couple of bottles of water. At the counter I paid for them and a pack of smokes.

Back outside Jax was just finishing filling up his bike with gas. I chucked a bottle at him then took a drink out of mine. I felt like I had inhaled all of the dust from the ride, and the water was a godsend.

Jax took my hand and walked me away from the others, to sit at the picnic table to the side of the store. He lit a cigarette and handed it to me.

"We're gonna ride on till sunset then find a place to stay for the night" he explained. "there's something Clay and I have to handle near here, so your gonna ride with Chibs."

"why can't I go with you?" I asked frowning.

Jax took the cigarette off me and inhaled. "Club business" he blew the smoke out through his nose. "You'll be safe with Chibs."

"But I don't want to go with Chibs" I argued.

"Darlin just go with him. I will meet you at the motel tonight ok?" he pulled me onto his lap. "and I'll make that butt of yours feel better"

I placed my palm against the side of his face, traced his lips with my thumb. "Promise me you will be there?" I whispered before replacing my thumb with my lips.

Jax grinned, before deepening the kiss, his hand came up and cupped the back of my head. "Its all good" he whispered.

"Teller, we gotta ride" Clay shouted. Jax held my hand and led me over to Chibs bike. I got on behind him as Jax handed me my helmet.

" I love you" he said kissing me again then turning to Chibs. "Take care of her"

I put my hands around Chibs waist as he started his bike up, then blew a kiss to Jax. Jax watched as we rode away.

It was after midnight when I was shaken awake by Jax.

"Charlie, c'mon we gotta go" he said urgently.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. "What? Why?" I was dazed as he handed me my jeans. I put them on, followed by my jacket and boots. He grabbed my phone then practically pushed me out of the door of the motel. All the guys were on their bikes ready to go. I got on behind Jax, and barely had my helmet on when he took off out of the motel carpark behind Clay. The rest of the bikes fell in behind Jax. I held on tight as we raced through the otherwise silent streets, back onto the highway. I wrapped my arms around Jax tighter, feeling how tense he was. His handgun that was shoved down the back of his jeans pressed into my stomach. He didn't usually ride with a gun unless threatened. Suddenly I was wide awake as the adrenalin kicked in. Someone was after us. I turned to look behind us but couldn't see anything past the bikes lights. I felt something wizz past my ear, exploding into Jax left rearview mirror, shattering it to pieces. Jax swerved almost losing grip on the gravel, but managed to recover. I stared at where the mirror used to be, slowly realising it had been shot. We were being shot at.

"Hang on" Jax called to me over my shoulder as he accelerated. I clung to him for dear life as more shots fired past us. I felt like the next few minutes of my life was a scene from a movie and I was an innocent bystander watching in my seat. Shots fired all around us until eventually everything was quiet except for the sounds of the bikes. I buried my face into the Jax back and waited for more gunfire, but nothing happened. We rode on for what seemed like hours until finally, as the sun was rising, we pulled off the highway and slowly made our way along until we found a place to stop. We pulled up to a motel and parked. The guys all took their cuts off and put them in their bags. I was glad to get off the bike, My body was so tense and my shoulder ached. Bobby headed over to the office to sort out some rooms.

"You ok?" Jax asked putting his arm around me. A sharp pain went through my arm causing me to gasp. Jax looked down at my arm.

"Charlie your bleeding?" he exclaimed. I looked down at my arm. My hand was covered in blood.

"get her inside" Clay ushered us into the room Bobby had just opened. Once all inside and the door was shut, Jax carefully took my jacket off. The pain shot through my shoulder again causing me to cry out with pain.

"You've been shot" Jax said going white. He hesitated.

Chibs took over and sat me down on the bed. He took out his pocket knife and cut my tshirt off my back. "Looks like its in her shoulder blade" he commented. "Can't see an exit wound. Think the bullets still in there"

I was beginning to feel sick. The pain, as if on cue, grew more intense as the adrenalin began to leave my body, then all went black.


	30. Tainted

The pain registered before my eyes opened. I cried out.

"shh" Jax said. I opened my eyes. I was lying on the bed on my stomach. Jax sat on the floor beside me, his face level with mine. "Just gotta lie still a little more ok" he said. "Chibs is just putting in a couple of stitches."

I felt unbelievable pain as the needle pushed through my skin, followed by the nilon surgical thread. I put my face into the pillow and just sobbed in pain. Jax spoke softly to me but I couldn't concentrate on his words.

"All done Charlie girl" Chibs said moving off the bed.

He left into the connecting unit where the rest of the guys were.

"I didn't know Chibs was good at doctoring" I muttered letting Jax help me up.

"He's a multi tasker" Jax replied smiling, though his voice was strained. "How do you feel?"

"A little achy" I said wiping my face and sniffing. "Sorry for being such a girl about it"

Jax cupped my face in his hands. "I am so sorry you got caught up in that shit" he replied. "I would have never have brought you if I thought you would be in too much danger."

"I just want a shower, and a sleep" came my reply. "we can talk about it later" I moved away and headed to the shower. Turning the water on I took off my jeans and underwear and got in under the hot water. My shoulder stung as the water hit it but then went back to its normal ache.

When I came out of the shower Jax was lying sitting lying on the bed in just his jeans. He sat up when he saw me. I had put on one of his tshirts over my underwear, my wet hair fell around my shoulders. Jax pulled the covers back and I slid under them as he tucked them up to my chin.

"Sleep baby" he said. "Im going to be right next door if you need anything ok?" he kissed me gently on the nose. I nodded, my eyelids already closing. Soon I was fast asleep.

It was dark when I woke. I stretched carefully, stopping when my shoulder began to hurt. I reached out with my good hand to find the bed empty beside me. I sat up an as my eyes adjusted I could see someone sitting in the corner.

"Jax?"

"Am here hun" he moved till he sat beside me. "Are you ok?"

"Will you stop asking me that?" I teased. "Why are you sitting over there?"

"I couldn't sleep." He explained. "We're going to head out of here at light. Only a few more hours and we'll be in Nevada. "

"What time is it?"

"About 4 in the morning" Jax replied. I wrapped my arms around his neck, nuzzling his skin.

"Come to bed" I whispered, laying kissing along his collar bone. He still only wore his jeans, leaving his upper body bare. I ran my hand down this chest, and moved so I was sitting on his lap, my legs on either side of him. His hands ran up my tshirt, ticking my skin. His hands stopped below the bandage on my shoulder, causing him to tense up and pull away slightly.

"Don't" I said kissing below his ear. "Im not breakable" I rocked my hips against him.

Jax grinned slowly as he pulled my shirt up and over my head, dropping it to the floor beside us.

As the sun rose, I lay snuggled up against Jax body, my head resting on his chest, fingers entwined.

"I wish we could stay like this always, right here in this moment" I spoke softly. Jax kissed the top of my head drawing me closer to him.

"Hows the shoulder?" he asked.

"Still sore, and it hurts to move my arm." I answered.

"Will you be able to ride?"

"I still have my good arm" I answered shaking my right hand.

Jax smiled. "You'll tell me if it gets too much ok"

"Lucky for me the bullet just entered my skin, and Chibs did a pretty good job of getting it out, so I think I will be fine"

"Says the girl who has never been shot" Jax muttered.

I sat up and scowled at him. "Hey, lay off. " I playfully punched him. "If I wasn't on the back you would be the one with the bullet wound, and being a male, you would be lying here moaning like your on your death bed."

Jax grabbed me by the waist and tickled me. "Oh really!" he laughed.

"Jax" Clay's voice boomed as the door between the rooms opened, Jax sat up quickly pulling the blanket around me

"Geeze can't you knock" he grumbled as his step dad, the rest of the guys came in.

"Im going to shower" I muttered, wrapping myself up in the blanket and slipping into the bathroom locking the door behind me.

I opened the door, showered and dressed just as Clay was giving Jax a piece of his mind.

"Now you begged us to agree to allow her to come with us on this run, because of your jealousy issues with her ex, and I told you it was too risky…."

"You brought me along because you didn't want to leave me alone with Tyler in the town?" I looked at Jax.

Jax and Clay turned around.

"No" Jax said the same time as Clay said "Yes"

"Think its our cue to leave" Tigg suggested opening the units door. Bobby, Juice and Chibbs followed him outside.

Clay looked between me and Jax. "We leave in 5" he muttered slamming the door behind him.

"Charlie" Jax started towards me.

"I am not getting into another fight over him" I said picking up my bag and putting my tooth brush and comb back in. "I just want to have a good day, get to Nevada and then get home" I zipped my back up. Jax sighed and headed into the bathroom.

10 minutes later we were on the road again. I thought about the reason Jax took me on this trip, and as much as it annoyed me, it also seemed a little sweet that he was that protective over me.

It didn't take long to get into Nevada, and only a little bit longer to the charters clubrooms.

Jax took me aside while the others greeted the Nevada sons.

"I need to tell you something" he started. "About last time I was here"

"okay" I said carefully.

"it was the night Ope was shot, and we came here afterwards. We just kept drinking, and drinking. There were girls, there was this one girl who was hanging around me, and one thing led to another, but I swear nothing happened, we just made out I think.. I can't remember much. Tigg and Chibs dragged me away before anything else happened."

"Jesus Christ Jax" I slapped him hard across the face. "You fucking shit. Here you are yelling at me, attacking me .. over Tyler and you're the one who cheated?"

"I was so drunk and I had just seen my best friend shot in front of me"

"Why are you telling me this now?" I asked through clenched teeth.

"Because she is likely to be in there, and.. "his voice trailed off.

"Im not going to get into this with you now" I said.

I followed Jax into the club, nodded hellos to those he introduced me too, then let him lead me over to the bar for a drink. There were a lot of people around me and I could feel all the eyes staring. Jax kept his hand on the small of my back as he ordered 2 beers.

Jax put his arm around my shoulders, and his lips against my ear. "I love you" he said softly.

"Hi Jax" a tall petite blonde greeted, standing in front of us. She looked as though she had just stepped out of a porn magazine.

"Simone hi" Jax greeted, flashing her his typical boyish smile. He drew me closer to him.

"Shoulder" I whispered.

He let go slightly.

"Its been a while" Simone completely ignored me, looking only at Jax. "How are you doing since your friend died"

"Im doing ok thanks" he replied. "Simone this is my old lady, Charlie"

Her eyes flicked onto me, then back to Jax. I didn't blame her really. Compared to her, I must have looked like a total dork. My hair was messed from the helmet, I felt gritty from the road, and knowing my luck I probably had a dead bug or two stuck in my teeth from where they kept flying into my mouth. I looked down at my plain jeans and suddenly felt very out of place.

"Im going to leave you two for a bit and find a bathroom" I said moving away.

"Char" Jax caught my hand.

"Its fine" I smiled at him, then covered my mouth remembering the possible bugs. "Be back soon"

"She's … different" I heard Simone say as I left. I found the toilets towards the back of the bar and headed into them. I stared at myself in the mirror. I was no competition for Simone. She was stunning, and the girl looking back at me, was.. well old and tired. I sighed, made sure nothing was in my teeth then splashed water over my face. The door opened and Jax poked his head in

"I'll be out in a minute" I called, resting my hands on the sink and staring at the mirror.

"Don't let her get to you" he said coming in, closing the door behind him.

"Like she got to you?"

"We talked about this"

I pushed him, hard, then without thinking, grabbed his shirt and ripped it open before pushing him up against the wall and kissed him. Jax pushed back grabbing the top of my jeans and popping the buttons and pushing his hands into the warmth between my legs. His mouth was on my neck, hungrily kissing and tasting. Someone banged on the door, but we ignored it, caught up in ourselves.

As darkness set outside, the clubrooms filled up more with people, and a party was well in swing. I sat at a table with Juice, Chibs and Tigg, who had his hand up one girls skirt while kissing another. Chibs was engrossed in a tongue battle with another barely clad girl while Juice and I chatted.

"God I must look like one of the guys compared to this lot" I moaned.

"well you kinda are one of the guys" Juice replied. "Well I mean, we've known you for so long and…"

I glared at him. "So not helping"

Juice laughed showing his full stunning smile. "I just meant you were like one of us. You drink like a guy, swear like a guy.."

"Oh fuck you" came my reply. I watched as Simone chatted to Jax across the room. After our bathroom stint early I had no doubt about Jax and I, but I couldn't help but wonder if he would prefer someone more girlie and beautiful like her. "Juice do you know any of the girls here?"

"Yep I know a few, why?"

"I have an idea"

I stood back in front of the bathroom mirror again, only this time the girl staring back looked a lot different. Ali, who Juice had introduced to me stood beside me grinning.

"Your going to blow his mind" she said clapping her hands.

Thanks to a loan of some of her clothes and make up, I had transformed from tired old lady into something completely different. The dress was black and skin tight, barely covering my ass, allowing for my long tanned legs to take the spotlight for once instead of being hidden in jeans. The top of the dress tied up behind my neck and the front V went almost to navel, allowing for quite an able amount of cleavage. My bandage on my shoulder blade was removed and replaced with a skin coloured plaster. On my feet I wore a pair of strappy stilletos. My hair was out, and had been loosely curled, falling mid back. Ali had done my make up as well keeping it tasteful and light, but with a deep ruby red gloss.

"I can't believe I look like this" I turned and tried tugging the dress down at the back.

"Don't" Ali said. "Its fine. You look amazing." She opened the bathroom door for Juice to come in.

"Woah" was all Juice said as he just stared.

"Oh god its too much right?" I exclaimed.

"Oh hell no." he blew out his breath. "God damn Char you look amazing"

"Right" Ali said taking my hand. "Time to go" she pulled me out of the bathroom. Marilyn Mansons Tainted Love was blasting from the juke box as I entered I felt like everyone instantly stopped and stared at us. I ignored them, lifted my chin and followed Ali and Juice to the bar. After a few Tequila shots, I turned and leaned back on the bar. I spotted Jax across from me still talking to Simone. He looked across at the bar, at me. His smile grew on his face when he realised it was me, and saying something to Simone, he walked towards me.

"Hey darlin" He said into my ear as his arm slipped around my waist drawing me against his body.

I placed my hand against his chest. "oh my god its Jax Teller" I giggled pretending to be like some of the other girls in the place. "you are amazing and so sexy. I just love your bike." I flicked my hair.

Jax cracked up laughing. "I like this" He said looking down at my dress. "A lot.." he looked around at everyone then focused back at me. But why are you dressed like this?"

My smile faded. "I thought it would be fun, and maybe you'd notice me"

"Oh I noticed, as did every other guy in here, and all of them are picturing you bent over."

I stepped back from him. "Did you really just say that?"

"Char I didn't mean it as a bad thing" Jax said trying to back track. "I just meant.. "

"I know what you meant" I muttered picking up my drink and throwing it in his face, before walking out of the bar.


	31. Authors Note

**Hi all.. thanks for reading my story.. I want to say Im sorry for the long break between chapter 28 and 29! Life got a bit crazy.. but I'm back and really loving writing again... please review I would love to know what you are thinking... Thanks so much xxx**


	32. Time

Later that day I sat in the kitchen with my bags beside me, trying to figure out what to do next. I hadn't really thought everything through, and the panic gripped my chest. What had I done. Did I really want to end it with Jax. He had been my everything for so long. I lit a cigarette and slowly smoked. I had no car, no place to go, and what was worse, no one to call about it. I checked my phone but there were no messages. I hesitated, before dialling the only person I knew would come.

"Tyler, Its Char" I said when he had answered.

"Hey, this is a surprise." He seemed pleased.

"have you left Charming yet?"

"No, tomorrow." He replied.

"I need a lift"

Tyler didn't say much when he turned up half an hour later. He put my bags in the trunk of his car and got in beside me.

"Where to?" he asked looking at me.

"I don't know" I replied. "A motel I guess"

He started up the car and pulled away from the curb. "Do you wanna talk ?"

I shook my head. We drove in silence till we got to the only motel in Charming. I went in and paid for a room. Tyler helped carry my bags inside.

"Im two rooms away" he said. "If you need anything".

"Thanks Tyler" I said walking him out. "I appreciate you helping me, even if I don't really deserve it with how I've been treating you. "

Tyler shrugged. "I get that we will never be together again, but that doesn't stop us being friends though."

I smiled before shutting the door, and flicking the lock over. I turned and looked around my new home. It wasn't too bad. A small lounge which had a separate bedroom and bathroom, and a small kitchenette. I sighed and sat down on the bed, just as my cell rang.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hey Charlie girl" it was Chibs

I tried to hide my disapointment that it wasn't Jax. "hi"

"I just wanted to check in on you. Im guessing by the state Jax was in last night, that things aren't good." He said.

I bit back my tears. "Not the best no"

"hang in their kid. He can be pig headed sometimes but his hearts in the right place."

"I have to go" I hung up before collapsing in tears. The phone rang again but I let it going to voicemail.

After spending a few days in bed, I woke up one morning determined to get on with my life. I showered and pulled on my denim cutoff shorts and a singlet, and tied my hair up in a messy bun. Grabbing my purse I threw open the door and stepped outside only to find Jax sitting on his bike in the car park in front of me. He stood when he saw me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I wanted to see you." He stepped closer.

"Im on my way out" came my reply, shutting the door firmly behind me.

"Char please don't be like this" He reached for my hand and held it. "Don't do this"

"Its already done" I replied pulling my hand away.

"No, its not! I wont let it. You had your say now Im going to have mine" He took the motel key off me, opened the door and dragged me inside.

"Sit" he growled slamming the door behind him. I did what he said. "the other night, I may not have said the right thing, but damn it Char, you came waltzing into that room looking .. wow.. you did you looked amazing, and I just wanted to take you right there, but I turned around and saw every single male in that room thinking the exact thoughts I was, and It made me sick. I hated it." He sighed sitting down on the coffee table just in front of me. "You ask me what I see in you? You question why we are even together? Its because you are everything that the club is not. You are beautiful, and graceful and good. You love with everything in you and no matter what is thrown at you, you keep going. I love the way you chew your bottom lip when lost in thought, how you wash my clothes with yours and I end up smelling like flowers, how you sing everywhere, and the little dance you do when you are brushing your teeth, or that you have some crazy obsession with moisturising. I love how when I'm with you, I don't have to be the badass biker guy, I can come to you, stripped of everything except my raw vulnerability and you take me for me." Jax paused. "I spend my days surrounded by tits and ass, girls throwing themselves at me to bed a biker. I talk to them, Its part of my job. I laugh, I even flirt. I do things that make me hate myself, But through all that crazy, all that never ending darkness, and shit, I get to come home to you. My calm, my saving grace."

The silence in the room was deafening. I wouldn't look at him as my mind replayed his words. He watched me for a few minutes, before standing and quietly leaving, letting the door click shut behind him. I don't know how long I sat on that couch, but when I finally got up, it was past noon. My phone rang making me jump.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Yeah Charlie, its Unser."

"Hey Chief how are you?" I managed to say.

"Old and sick but who cares." He joked. "Look you can pick your car up from us. I must have lost your DUI charges or something, I can't find them so, guess you wont lose your licence."

I smiled. "Thank you, so much"

"Yeah well, you're a good kid. So come anytime to get your car ok" he hung up.

It was just a short walk to get my car, and after thanking Chief Unser once again, I jumped in and drove away. The distraction had taken my mind off Jax for a while, which I had been grateful for, but now he was all that consumed my thoughts. His words kept repeating over and over in my mind. Without even thinking, I found myself pulling into TM and parking across from his bike. I found him in the clubrooms, at the bar drinking. Chibs nudged him when I entered. When Jax looked at me, I saw a tired and defeated man, not my usual confident Jax.

"Hey" I said sitting on a stool beside him.

Jax went back to drinking , shoulders slouched.

Chibs stood and made some excuse, leaving Jax and I alone. Jax pushed his bottle of whiskey towards me. I reached over the bar for a glass and filled it.

We sat there, drinking in silence for a few minutes.

"I don't have an obsession with moisturiser" I finally said.

Jax snorted into his drink. "Yeah you do, and I'm even finding myself using the damn stuff"

I glanced sideways at him smiling. "Explains where its all going".

Jax nodded, finishing his drink and pouring another.

"I got my car back today" I said. "Unser lost my charges."

Jax raised his eyebrows, "They are always useless at filing"

"Jax, what you said this morning… "I trailed off. " I don't know if I can be who you think I am for you. I'm just as crazy and broken as the world you live in. What you want me to be and what I can be, I just don't know if it's the same." I placed my hands on either side of his face, turning it towards me. "I'm scared that we are going to ruin each other" tears glistened in his eyes, causing my own I was trying to hold, to creep down my face.

Jax raised his hand and gently wiped the tears that stained my face. "Never" he replied leaning forward and placing his lips on mine. " trust me". He whispered leaning his forehead on mine. "let go and just love me."


	33. He Got Away

It was just past dawn when I woke the next morning. Beside me Jax lay still clothed, sound asleep. We had come back to my motel unit and talked all night. I moved his arm off me and got up. He stirred and opened his eyes. "Char?" he said.

"Go back to sleep, im just getting some water" I replied heading into the little kitchenette. Jax sat up against the head board.

"What time is it?" he asked rubbing his hands down his face, then scratching his beard.

"Its early" I replied coming back and sitting down on the bed. I took a sip of water, then placed it on the night stand.

"Can't sleep?" he asked.

I nodded. "Would you believe Im nervous?"

Jax laughed. "About what?"

"This" I waved my hand. "Starting over. I feel like I'm on my first date again."

"Well" Jax said leaning towards me. "I hope you don't take every first date home" he smiled before gently kissing me.

"Techinically you came home with me after our first date to Prom." I reminded him.

"Yes but I had been crashing at your place for a few weeks then, thanks to a fight with my Mom" he replied. "And you were only 15 and to me, still my friends dorky kid sister"

I laughed. "I was kinda dorky wasn't I"

"You still are a bit" he teased, receiving a gentle wack from me.

Jax phone rang. While he talked on it, I made us a coffee and gave him his cup.

He hung up as I sat down beside him.

"I gotta run soon" he said, sipping his coffee. "I gotta few things to take care of"

"Club business" I drank my coffee watching him.

"What are your plans for today?" he asked.

"I have go to work. Schools back next week" I replied. "And I havn't even started any prep"

"Do you think you might drop your stuff off home today?" Jax asked stirring his coffee.

I hesitated causing Jax to look up at me, then my face lit up with a smile. "Of course"

Jax finished his coffee and stood up. "I better go" He leaned forward and kissed my cheek. "I'll call you" he said before leaving.

I didn't hear from Jax for most of the day, so after I had finished what I needed to do at school, I headed over to TM to see if he was there. I pulled up and parked. He wasn't in the garage so I headed into the clubrooms, right into the middle of a full on brawl between him and Clay.

"What the..?" I moved forward only to be stopped by Bobby. "Do something" I exclaimed as Jax took another hit straight into the face, only to retaliate by shoving his fist into Clays side.

"No" Bobby gripped me tighter as I tried to get to Jax. "Leave it. They need to do this" he growled at me. I stood in shock as blow after blow was taken, chairs and tables were knocked over.

"What the hell is going on?" it was Gemma. Everyone stopped at her voice. Jax sent one more punch into Clay knocking him to the ground, before facing his mother.

"Just some Father son shit" Clay muttered from the ground.

Jax glared at him. "Your not my father" he snapped, Laying a kick into him.

"That's enough Jackson" Gemma put herself between her husband and her son. "Get out of here"

Jax pulled himself up to full height, then grabbed his cut and stormed out of the clubrooms. I yanked myself free of Bobby and ran after him.

"Jax" I said, but he kept walking towards the garage. I followed, catching his arm at the door of the office and turning him around to look at me. His face was a mess. He had a cut lip, and a gash under his left eye and another above his right. "Jesus" I went to touch his face but he pulled back.

"I'm fine" he muttered. In his eyes there was so much anger.

"Come with me" I took his hand and led him into the office. "Sit" I said pointing to the little couch that was there. I opened one of the cabinets and found the first aid kit, then sat next to him with it on my knee. I found some antiseptic and some wipes, and began to clean his face. Jax watched me as I worked.

"You wanna share what that was all about?" I asked.

"Just club shit" was his reply.

"Seemed a bit more then that" I commented, placing a small bit of tape over a small gash just under his left eye, causing him to flinch slightly. "Seemed pretty personal"

Jax stayed silent, and from the look in his eyes, I knew not to push at that time. I finished with the last of the cleaning and closed the first aid kit. I stood to put the kit away, but Jax caught my arm. Keeping his head down he leant his head onto my stomach, wrapping his arms firmly around me. I put the kit on the desk and ran my hands through his hair as his hands tightened their grip painfully, holding me, then he pushed me away as he put his head in his hands, letting out a primal scream. I jumped in fear.

"Jax" I said tentatively.

"There is so much shit in my head" he growled. "God if knew what I knew." He shook his head.

"Talk to me" I knelt on the ground before him. "let me take some of it"

"It would kill you" he said.

"Jax" I said placing my hands on each side of his face and forcing him to look at me. "No secrets remember. Whatever this is, is eating you up. You once said I was your calm. Let me help"

Jax eyes were full of pain and torment, and I could tell he was struggling with the decision. He closed them and took a breath.

"The night Donna died. It was a mistake." He began. "Stahl had sent Opie up to look like a rat. Even putting thousands of dollars into his account from the cops, so it looked like he took a payout." His eyes opened and the fire in them had dulled. "Clay gave the instructions to Tigg to get rid of the rat."

My hands fell to my lap. "But it was Donna that got killed" I whispered.

"Opie had offered to take the kids home, as Donna needed to go to the store, so she took his truck."

I sat back on my knees trying to process the words Jax had just said. "Tigg killed Donna?"

Jax nodded.

"Clay wanted Opie dead?"

"yeah"

I stood up, unsure of everything around me.

"Char" Jax reached out to me but I moved aside.

"I have to go" I backed towards the door.

"Babe, talk to me" Jax stood, wincing as he clutched his ribs.

I ignored him and throwing the door open rushed outside, bumping straight into Tigg.

"Woah darlin" He grabbed me to steady me but I pushed him away.

"Don't touch me" I growled quietly.

He looked at me confused, then saw Jax standing behind me. His face fell. "Char god, Im so sorry. I swear I am so so sorry"

I slapped him hard across the face, before walking over to my car. I tried to open my door but it wouldn't budge. I hadn't realised I had locked it so grabbed my keys from my pocket only to drop them. Jax was beside me bending down to pick them up.

"Lets take the bike" he commented quietly, putting my keys in his pocket. My hands shook as I took his and let him lead me over to his Dyna.

"I don't want to go with you" I said pulling my hand back. Jax took his helmet and put it on my head and did it up under my chin.

"We need to get outta here before you do something bad" he said quietly.

I hugged him, slipping my hands down around his waist. I felt the gun behind his back. "im sorry Jax" I whispered, kissing his cheek, before gripping the gun and pulling it out. I stepped back and aimed it at him. "I can't let it go" I said.

"Jesus Char" Jax stepped towards me.

"Don't" I warned tears slipping down my cheeks. "You have lied to me since I got back. You have known about this and not once did you mention it to me."

"I couldn't " he started.

I shook my head.

"Charlie girl" I hadn't seen Chibs and Juice leave the clubrooms but now they were standing beside me followed by Bobby, Clay and Gemma.

"Stay back" I warned them waving the gun slowly at all of them. "You all deserve to rot in hell"

"Give me the gun Charlotte" Jax said quietly. "Give it to me and we can just get out of here"

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Tigg step forward. I turned the gun on him and fired, missing him as he jumped out of the way.

"What the fuck Char?" Chibs exclaimed. "What has gotten into you"

"Your angry" Jax spoke again. "I get that. You saw how angry I am. But this is not the answer."

"Don't come any closer" I cried, my vision blurred through tears. My hands shook. "He deserves it. They both deserve it"

"Look at me Char, just look at me" Jax raised his hands as I turned the gun back on him. "Lets go for a ride, just you and I. Anywhere you wanna go. Lets just do it".

I shook my head, trying to clear the visions of Donna and Ope that were running through it. "This club ruined my family" I said to Jax. "Its ruined everything." I was so focused on him that I hadn't seen Juice move behind me. His arms grabbed me gently yet held me firmly while Jax stepped forward and took the gun.

"No" I struggled trying to get out of Juices arms. "Let me go"

"Get her outta here Jax" Clay yelled. "We will discuss this later". He turned and walked back into the clubrooms with Gemma.

When Juice let me go I stood with my fists clenched at my sides. Jax placed his hands on my shoulders.

"You ok?" he asked me. I refused to look at him.

"Hey" he said touching my chin and lifting my face slightly to meet his eyes. "We gotta go" he lay the sweetest kiss on my lips and led me back to his bike.


	34. Family Dinner

I sat at my desk at school in front of my students and watched them as they worked on the music theory I had set out. Usually I would be in, helping them out, but I had no interest. My mind was elsewhere and I just couldn't conjure up any enthusiasm. My phone lit up with a text from Jax. Instead of reading it, I switched it off and dropped it into my bag. Since that day at the club where I had pulled a gun on everyone, I hadn't been near any of them. I only saw Jax at home, mostly in the mornings, as I usually would be asleep by the time he slipped in behind me in bed and drew me into his arms. I went to work, I came home, I looked after Abel.

A knock at my class room door pulled me back into the moment and I looked up. Jax leant against the door frame smiling at me. Whispers and giggles went through the class and every girls eyes were on Jax.

"Hey darlin" he said, his blue eyes focused on me.

"Jax" I walked over to him. I pulled him out into the corridor and shut my classroom door. "What are you doing here?"

"You left before I woke" he said placing his hands on my hips and standing close. "I missed you"

"I had some work to get ready for today" I replied placing my hands on his chest just under his cut.

"So" he hesitated. "Moms called a family dinner tonight."

"No" I shook my head.

"Aww c'mon Char," Jax pleaded.

"I can not sit opposite Tigg and Clay knowing what they did."

"We have to move past it" Jax stated. "Ope did"

"Wait? Opie knew about Donna?" I was shocked. "And he didn't do anything?"

"He wanted to. Trust me. He messed up Tiggs face pretty bad." Explained Jax. "But when your dad tried to kill Clay, he let it go, to save Piney."

I just stared at Jax. "When did this all happen?"

"Does it matter?" he asked. "The point is, if he was able to move on"

"well wasn't he the fucking saint" I sighed and ran my hand through my hair.

Jax squeezed my hips gently. "Mom is freaking out about this whole split in the club. This dinner means a lot to her and I don't want to go without you"

"Fine ok. I'll go" I gave up.

Jax kissed my cheek. "thank you" he said. "I'll meet you there ok. I've got some stuff I need to take care of first."

"What? I have to go alone?"

Jax just grinned and blew me a kiss as he headed down the hallway to the exit.

"This will not end well" I muttered heading back into class.

I took the long way to Gemmas, after work, hoping that Jax would have arrived before me. My stomach knotted when I saw the drive empty of bikes.

"Here goes nothing" I muttered knocking on the door. Gemma opened it.

"You carrying?" she asked hands on hips.

"What?" I was confused.

"A gun! You carrying a gun?"

I rolled my eyes. "No"

She moved out of the way to let me pass. Clay was already seated at the end of the huge dining table. He was puffing on a cigar. His cold eyes stared at me.

"You going to cause any drama tonight?" he asked.

"Depends." I replied. "You gonna kill anymore of my family?" my tone was harsh.

Clay slammed his fist down on the table causing me to jump. "Listen here little girl. You are a walking a very very dangerous line. Any more shit from you, Jax lady or not, I will kill you"

My blood ran cold, as I realised how serious he was. Piney came in from the lounge.

"Hey Charlotte" he greeted sitting at the table.

"Dad" I replied. I moved back into the kitchen where Gemma and her friend Luanne were busy pulling dishes out of the oven.

"Need any help?" I asked.

"No thanks" came the reply. Feeling useless I headed outside to wait for Jax, bumping straight into Tigg. Anger flashed in his eyes as he stepped past me and into the house. I made the decision there to go. No matter what Jax said I was not going back into that house. I got to my car just as the Jax, Chibs, Bobby and Juice came round the bend. Jax pulled his bike infront of my car blocking me in. He turned his bike off and taking his helmet off, rested it on the back. The others made their way inside.

"Where you going?" Jax asked.

"Im going home Jax" was my reply. "And if ive got any brains, I should pack my things and get out of town"

Jax frowned getting off his bike and coming towards me. "What happened?"

"Clay's threatening my life and Tigg is real angry at me." I replied.

"Well you did shoot him" he commented.

"What so he gets to kill people and everyones ok, but me I make a small mark on his arm and everyone is ready to .. "I shuddered, suddenly realising the seriousness of what I did. I had threatened the club president and shot his lieutenant. "Oh god Jax, they're going to kill me aren't they?"

"That's not gonna happen ok?" He placed his hands on my shoulders. "Just breathe"

He turned me around and with his arm around my shoulders half led, half forced me back inside.

"Your late" Gemma greeted Jax with a kiss on the cheek. She looked at me. "Thought you'd left"

"No just getting some fresh air" I replied. Jax moved us towards the dining table and pulled a chair out for me. I quietly sat, not meeting Tiggs eyes as he sat opposite me. Chibbs sat beside him as Jax sat down next to me. Once everyone else was seated Clay said grace.

I kept my head down not looking at anyone as Jax food onto my plate before serving himself. I sipped my bourban while everyone around me ate.

The dinner seemed to just drag on. Clay sat at the head looking like a bear with a sore foot. When I did eventually glance up he was watching me.

"What?" I asked tired of feeling scared. "What is your problem"

"No one comes into my club and threatens anyone. Got that?" he snarled pointing his fork at me. "Jax you need to control your old lady."

"No one controls me" I replied. Jax placed his hand on my knee and dug his fingers in slightly stopping me from saying anything more.

"Under the circumstances, don't you think we can let it go?" he said.

"I've got a fucking hole in my arm" Tigg replied.

"Please, its barely a scratch" I said.

"Lady you want me to shoot you and see how it feels?" his eyes narrowed.

"Enough" Clay boomed making me jump. "Whats done is done. Lets move on"


	35. Threats

It was hours before dawn, and I had given up on sleep long ago. The kitchen clock ticked, my head hurt and my hands shook as I lifted my cigarette to my mouth, my mind miles away lost in thought. I finished my smoke and and pushed it into the ash tray. Jax came into the kitchen rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Hey" he said quietly crouching down in front of me. "You need to get some sleep".

I shook my head, letting my hair fall around my face, to hide my tears. Jax looked at me worried.

"C'mon darlin" he said gently.

I curled my arms around his neck and let him pick me up and carry me back to bed. He lay me down and, pulling the covers up, got in beside me, protecting me in his arms. We lay together until the sun rose.

Jax placed a kiss on my shoulder. "Hungry?" he asked.

I shook my head. "I have to get ready for work" I replied sitting up.

"Take the day off" he suggested. "You haven't slept."

I got out of bed and wrapped my robe around me. "I'm fine" I muttered, heading to the kitchen to make coffee. Jax came up behind me and covered my shaking hands, as I poured the hot dark liquid into a cup.

"Stay home today" he said into my ear.

"I can't I have a full day" I moved away with my coffee, but he caught my arm.

"Talk to me Char" he said.

"About what?" I asked.

"Dinner last night for one?" came his reply.

"Why?" I asked. "Like Clay said, Its done" I couldn't hide the shudder that went through me as I said his name. I pulled my arm free and turned away, heading back to the bedroom. Once I was showered and dressed, I grabbed my keys and headed to the front door. Jax was there dressed and waiting.

"I'll take you" He stated, leaving no room for argument. I shrugged and followed him out to his bike. I got on behind him and slipped my arms tightly around him, my hand under his tshirt. When we got to school Jax caught my hand as I was about to walk away from the bike. He pulled me towards him.

"I'll be here when you finish ok?" he said.

I nodded.

"There's a party at the clubhouse tonight" He continued. "Half Sac is getting patched in, I want you to come with me."

My eyes flew up to meet his in panic.

He squeezed my hand. "You're my old lady. You belong there" he kissed my palm. "See you later darlin." He blew me a kiss then took off out of the parking lot, leaving me staring after him.

As I sat at the piano in my class room later that afternoon, I realised it had been so long since I last felt the ivory keys under my fingers. The last bell had rung long ago and, not ready to meet Jax, I sat down and started to play Mozart, Piano Concerto 21, an old favourite. I closed my eyes and just let my fingers fly over the keys and the soothing melody consume me. Some time through my playing Jax entered and quietly sat beside me. When I finished the last note, I turned to him and smiled.

"I haven't played that in so long." I commented.

"It was good" jax said.

I couldn't help but laugh. "So not a fan of this music are you?"

Jax grinned. "Wasn't really my thing" he replied. "You ready to go"

My smile faded. "Yeah I guess" I went over and grabbed my bag. Following Jax out, I locked my class room then walked with him to his bike. I watched as the scenery passed by as Jax raced towards Charming. When we finally drive into TM there were people and bikes everywhere. I felt like all heads turned as we rode past and Jax brought the bike round to park. I didn't move even when Jax turned the engine off and took off his helmet. He turned slightly so he could look at me.

"Are you going to get off?" he asked placing a hand on my leg. I took a deep breath and got off the bike. Jax placed his arm around my shoulders pulling me to his side as I slipped one hand around his waist. "Ready?" he asked winking at me.

I just looked at him. He laughed kissing me on the forehead as he walked me towards the clubrooms.

Inside was crowded as we pushed our way through sons, old ladies and various Crow Eaters. Jax led me to the bar and ordered us a drink. Tigg was behind the bar watching us. He came over after we had our drinks.

"Jax" he greeted, before turning his gaze onto me. He slowly lent towards me grabbing my hand.

I froze. Jax stepped towards me. "Tigg" he growled a warning.

Tigg wouldn't take his eyes off me. "I have watched you grow, protected you, looked out for you. You are family to me and always will be. What I did. The mistakes I made, I know I can't take back, even if I wish it with every ounce of my body. You are one crazy kid, but you are our kid." He pulled me slightly over the bar and laid a kiss on my forehead. "I love you".

I stared at him. "Your not going to kill me?" I asked shocked.

Tigg was as shocked. "What? No. But if you shoot me again, maybe" his face smiled. "Now lets drink"

I looked at Jax who was smiling at me, yet still standing close.

As the night continued, I began to relax more and enjoy the antics of the guys. Towards midnight I excused myself to head to the bathroom. I headed through the corridor towards them, nearly bumping into Clay as I came round the corner.

"You" he hissed at me, clearly drunk.

I tried to dodge him but he moved quick and pinned me against the wall, his huge hand wrapped around my throat.

"I smelt trouble on you the moment you came back to Charming." He growled, his breath was putrid. "This isn't over, Tigg may have forgiven you, but I haven't. No one comes into my club and threatens me."

I was struggling to draw a breath as he gripped tighter.

"Be careful lil girl. Some day soon, your gonna get what is coming to you" he spat in my face before releasing my throat and walking away. I somehow made it to the bathrooms before vomiting into the toilet.


	36. Bird on a Wire

"Char? Char"

I looked around. I was sitting on the floor of the bathroom. The pounding on the door was getting louder.

"Charlie girl are you in there" that was Chibs. I slowly got up off the floor and looked at myself in the mirror. Marks on my neck were showing from where Clay had grabbed me. I splashed water on my face before turning to open the door.

Chibs stood in the doorway. "Are you ok?" he asked, his eyes scanning me, before stopping on my neck. "What the hell happened?" he asked stepping forward.

"Where's Jax?" I croaked hoarsly.

"Clay took him and Tigg for an errand" he replied. "Jax told me to take you home. Want me to call him?"

"No" I replied, "Its ok."

"Charlie whats going on?" Chibs asked worried. "What happened to your neck"

"Oh just a random fall" I replied, faking a laugh.

"I know a strangle hold when I see one" came his reply. "What I don't know, is why you would have one on your neck, when Im pretty sure Jax didn't put it there."

"Its nothing" I said sternly. "I think I'd like that ride home now thanks."

Jax house was all dark when we pulled up to it. Chibs shut his bike off as I got off.

"You ok Charlie girl?" he asked, seeing me hesitate as I watched the house.

"Yeah, of course" I lied, throwing him a quick smile. "Thanks for the lift" I walked towards the front door, counting each step in the silence. Chibs didn't leave until I was inside and had turned the lights on. Once I had locked the door, and checked it twice I went through the house turning every light on, before settling on the couch. I curled my feet under me, and pulled the blanket up to wait for Jax to come home. Every noise made my heart jump. Where was Jax? What if Clay had him out to distract him, to make sure he wasn't home. I got off the couch and rechecked the locks on the door, before heading to the bathroom. My neck was awash with blue and purple bruising.

"Damn" I muttered rifling through my make up to find some concealer. My fingers were shaking as I applied some, trying to blend it in to my skin. It hid a lot of the bruising but I covered it with foundation just to be safe. I had just changed into my singlet and a pair of boxers, and was making coffee when I heard Jax come in.

"Hey" he greeted coming into the kitchen. He laid a kiss on my cheek. "You ok?"

"Peachy" I replied looking at him. "Where did you go?"

"Just club shit," he answered. He moved to kiss my neck but I stepped aside.

"Coffee?" I asked holding up a cup.

"Not at 1am no" he replied his eyes narrowing. He moved closer and before I could stop him touched my neck. I winced in pain as he hit a bruise. Without warning he picked me up to sit on the counter. Pushing my legs open he stepped between them and tipped my head to the side.

"What are you doing?" I asked trying to move aside, but his hand on my leg grew firmer, pinching into my thigh.

"What are hiding?" he asked, taking a cloth, running it under water then using it to wipe the make up off my neck. His face turned to ice when he saw what lay underneath. "Who did this to you?" he demanded.

"Its nothing" I tried to push away, "Just a miss understanding?"

He placed his hands firmly on the counter on either side of me. "Who did this to you" he growled.

I pushed him away. "I said its nothing" I jumped off the counter.

"Was it Clay?" he followed me out down the hallway and into our room.

"Just leave it alone." I pulled the covers back and got into bed. "please"

Jax frowned as he pulled his tshirt over his head and took his shoes and jeans off. "I don't like this" he replied slipping into bed beside me. I curled up against him.

"I know" was all I said, before kissing his chest and closing my eyes. Jax pulled me closer, and linked his other hand with mine. "This isn't over" were his last words, before I fell asleep.

Jax was up by the time I woke the next morning. I dragged myself out of bed and found him in the kitchen with Chibs. They stopped talking as soon as I entered.

"Hey Charlie Girl" Chibs greeted.

"Eh" was my effort as a greeting. I sat down next to jax at the table and stole his coffee, taking a big gulp.

"Chibs was filling me in on what happened last night after I left" was all Jax said.

"Like what?" I asked innocently, the coffee turning to concrete in my stomach.

Jax just looked at me.

"I told you to just leave it" I replied standing up. "You don't always need to play hero"

Jax hand wrapped tightly round my wrist, almost breaking it "Someone clearly grabbed you roughly round the neck, then Chibs finds you some time later in the toilet where he could tell you had been sick." He was angry.

I pulled my arm away. "Don't" I yelled at him. "I am sick of you guys throwing your weight around, laying your hands on me, to get what ever you want, to threaten me. Your just a group of fucking sadists. Get out ." I pushed Jax out of his chair.

Chibs came up behind me. "Calm down Jackie girl"

"Why wont you tell us what happened?" Jax asked quietly.

My anger deflated and I sank down into the chair. "You don't understand." I whispered. "Its not that simple"

I caught the look Jax gave to Chibs. Before turning his gaze on me. "I have a pretty good idea who it was, and although he doesn't deserve you protecting him, I get why you are." He ran a hand through his hair. "He's done a lot of bad stuff, and he's not going to get away with it." Jax sat down opposite me and took my hands in his. "I need you to trust me. Ok?"

"Jax he said he was going to kill me" I bit down on my lip to stop they tears that were threatening.

"Piney's gone up to the cabin." Jax continued. "I want you to go and stay there for a few days. Chibs will take you. I'll get mom to look after Abel. I'll tell her your away with school on a conference or something."

"What are you going to do?" I asked quietly.

"Nothing, yet" He cupped my face in his hands. "I love you" he said before gently kissing me.

Once I was showered and dressed with my small duffle packed Jax walked me out to Chibs bike.

"Here" He said placing a small wad of cash into the front pocket of my jeans. He slipped a mobile in the back pocket. "Don't use yours. This is a prepay and can't be traced. It has mine and Chibs numbers in it ok" He pulled my leather jacket together and zipped it up. "I put some smokes in your duffel. "

"Im scared Jax" I quietly said. "I don't understand why I need to go away from you"

Jax rested his forehead on mine. "I have 2 plans in motion. One that will get rid of Zobelle and Clay, hopefully for good. I need to know your safe, so I can focus on it all working."

I nodded, kissing him, my hands snaking round his waist to hold him tight. Jax kissed me back, his tongue darting in to claim mine.

"Jackie boy, we gotta go" Chibs called out from his bike. Jax took my hand and walked me the rest of the way. I got on behind Chibs and put my helmet on.

"Be safe" I said to him before he kissed me again. Chibs roared the engine before taking us off down the road. I turned my head to watch Jax who stood on the drive just watching us till we had turned the corner.


	37. Be Still

It was dark by the time Chibs pulled his bike up infront of the cabin. A lonely light shone from the front window, indicating that someone was up waiting. The front door opened and Piney watched us as Chibs handed me my bag and followed me up the steps.

"Char you ok?" Piney asked moving aside to let us through.

"Peachy" I replied quietly. I headed into the other bedroom and slammed the door. Dropping my bag I lay down on the bed and pulled out the prepay phone Jax had given me. I looked up the contacts, and just as he had said, only found 2 numbers in it. One I recognised as Jax. I shut the phone and put it on the night stand.

"Charlie Girl" Chibbs said as he knocked, then entered. "Im taking off now"

I turned my back to him. "See ya" I muttered, not moving till well after he had left and the last of his bike could be heard off down the road. Piney knocked then poked his head in the door.

"You hungry?" he asked.

I looked at him. "You don't need to play dad" came my reply.

Piney sighed. "Well Im gonna cook me something, if you get hungry later, I'll leave ya some" he left closing the door.

I picked up my new phone Jax gave me and sent him a text.

 _"help he's playing dad"_

Jax replied a few minutes later. " _Maybe its time you healed old wounds"_

 _"was this your plan all along? "_

Jax didn't reply. I threw the phone down and lay on the bed staring up at the ceiling.

Every day for the next week I tried to call or text Jax but got no reply. I was slightly scared, slightly worried but mostly I was just angry. Piney didn't know much more about what was happening then me, or if he did he wasn't letting on. I spent my days wandering around the bush that surrounded the cabin, and my nights getting to know my father over numerous games of poker and bourban. I was seeing a whole new side my dad that I hadn't seen before and slowly as each night passed, I was liking it more and more.

It was nearly three weeks before I finally heard from Jax. I was down by the river, reading when my phone buzzed causing me to almost drop my book in the water.

"Jax?" I answered.

"Char where are you?" was his greeting.

"Where do you think I am, since you stranded me here?" my anger rose.

"We've lost Clay" came his reply. "I think he's headed to you"

My next retort froze in my throat.

"Char? Are you inside?" Jax demanded.

"No, I.. Im by the river" I stood up and looked back in the direction of the house, just as a sound of a gun went off. "Oh god"

"What was that?" Asked Jax " Char?"

"Dad" I dropped my book and phone and started to run towards the house. As I got there I saw Clay taking off down the dirt road on his bike.

"Dad?" I called as I entered the cabin. "Daddy" my eyes fell on him, laying flat on his back, his eyes open staring into nothing. I fell to my knees beside him. Blood pooled out of the hole in his chest, right over his heart. "Hold on Daddy, please hold on" I took my sweater off and used that to cover the wound, hoping to stop the blood. "Don't leave me" I begged. The bleeding eventually stopped, but not from my attempt at first aid. His heart had stopped beating, my father was gone. I rested my head on his stomach as the tears rolled down my face. I don't know how long I stayed there, but as the sun began to get lower in the sky I heard the sound of Harleys coming along the dirt road.

"Jesus Christ" Jax exclaimed as he came in the door followed by Chibs, Bobby and Tigg. I looked up from where I sat, covered in my fathers blood.

"I tried to stop the bleeding, but.."I trailed off looking down at my hands.

Jax knelt beside me. His hands and eyes, searching my body.

"I tried Jax I really did" I kept saying.

"Are you hurt?" He asked concerned.

I shook my head. "I didn't get here in time. Im so sorry Jax. I wasn't here"

Jax pulled me into his arms. "its ok, shhh its ok" he crooned.

"I'll call Uncer" Chibs said, moving back outside.

"Ah shit Piney" Tigg said, covering my fathers body with a sheet.

"What are you doing?" I asked furious, pushing Jax away and yanking the sheet back.. "Don't touch him, Don't anyone touch him"

Jax took my face in his hands. "Char he's gone, we have to do this" he said softly, helping me to my feet. "Lets get you cleaned up" he took my hand and led me to the bathroom. I sat down on the side of the Tub while he rinsed a face cloth under the tap. When he put it to my head, the coldness soothed me. I watched him as he cleaned my face arms and hands of Pineys blood. When he was done he led me through to the back room where I had been sleeping and helped me change into a new pair of jeans and a clean tshirt.

Tigg appeared in the door way with a mug. "Coffee" he announced placing it on the bedside table.

I caught the look he gave Jax and the slight movement to get him to follow him.

"I will be back" Jax said to me gently kissing my forehead. I sat down on the bed as he left shutting the door behind him. Picking up the coffee I took a sip before throwing it across the room, as anger blinded me. I wanted to kill Clay. I wanted him to pay for what he did. For everything he had done. Jax came back in the room at the sound of me smashing anything I could get my hands on. He grabbed my arms and pinned them to my sides. "stop it Char" he said.

"Three weeks Jax, You left me here for three weeks" tears poured down my cheeks. "I finally got to know him, got to see him as my father, and now he's… " I shook my head. "I want to go home." I pulled away from him and grabbed my bag. "I have to get out of here" I muttered as I shoved clothes in. "I have to get back to work, god if I still have a job"

Jax placed a gentle hand on mine. "Charlotte just stop" he said so quietly. He touched my cheek, turning my face to look at him. "One step at a time" he brushed his lips on mine.

Uncer arrived with the calvary shorty after midnight. I had eventually fallen asleep curled up with Jax, but the voices had woken me. I came out into the lounge just as the coronor was zipping Piney up in a body bag. A sob escaped me causing everyone to turn and look at me.

"Hey Charlie girl, thought you were sleeping" Chibs came over to me.

"I heard voices" I replied wrapping my cardigan around me. I watched the body bag being wheeled out of the cabin. "Where's Jax?" I asked searching the room.

"He's just outside talking to Hal" Chibs replied. "They may want to ask you some questions."

I nodded.

Jax came back in the door looking concerned. He came over to me and placed his arm around my shoulders drawing me to him.

"Clays dissapeared." was all he said.

"Christ he could be anywhere" Chibs exclaimed.

I stiffened as I realised how dangerous that could be. Jax touched my face turning it to him.

"I aint gonna let anything happen to you I swear" he promised.

"oh do you have a plan?" I asked him. "Just like your plan for me to come here to be safe? That didn't work out too well did it?" I moved away from him and headed into the kitchen.

"Char" He followed me into the kitchen. "I didn't know he would come here"

"Three weeks Jax! Not a word from you!" I set about getting myself a drink. I found my friendly bottle of bourban and poured myself a glass. "Its like you got me outta the way because I was the problem" I skulled the drink back and poured me another.

"That's not true and you know it?" he argued.

"I don't know shit anymore" I finished my drink and reached for the bourban. Jax hand stopped me.

"It got complicated." He said putting the lid on the bottle. "The club, and.."

"Fuck the club" I screamed at him throwing my glass across the room. It hit the opposite wall sending shards of glass everywhere. "I have been waiting here scared that you were never coming back. Did you even fucking care?"

I went to push him away but he grabbed my arms. "I had to focus on what I was doing, and to do that, I needed to not be near you, or talk to you. You are half of me, so yeah I hated that you were gone, but you are my weakness, if I had of even just heard your voice, I would have been on my bike headed here, and I couldn't show my weakness. Not when I was taking over the club"

"You took over the club?" My eyes fell to his cut where VIP had gone and President was in its place. I ran my finger over the patch. "How?"

"It doesn't matter, but its done. Clay now is a threat, until we can find him." He replied.

"Please don't leave me here again Jax."

"No, you will be safer now with us" He cupped my face in his hands and kissed me.

"Take me home" I begged. "please"

"Soon baby, I promise" He kissed me again, this time gently flicking his tongue between my lips. I kissed him back, letting him take charge of my mouth. He pushed me up against the bench, his hands in my hair. "God I've missed you" he sighed, letting out a moan as my hands ran up under the back of his shirt, grazing his skin with my nails. His kisses became stronger, and more urgent. I allowed him to fill every part of my senses.

"Ahem" Unser appeared in the doorway. "Sorry to break up the sweet reunion but I need to ask Char some questions."

Jax smiled as he pulled back. "Sure thing" he replied to Unser as he watched me. "That ok with you?"

I slipped past Jax and say with Chief Unser at the table. Jax lent against the counter listening. Once all the questions had been answered, The Chief stood and saying his farewells left Jax and I alone again in the kitchen.

"This is real isn't it" I muttered.

Jax took my hand in his. "Lets get some sleep" he suggested. "Then tomorrow we will head home"

I started to protest but was silenced by another kiss.

"I can't wait till we go home to get you in bed" he whispered slyly. "The bedroom is as far as I can manage" he squeezed my hand then led me through the cabin, bidding tonight to those as we passed, before entering my bedroom. He slammed the door with his foot, then pulled me to him.


	38. Fix You

There had been no sighting of Clay, since I had come back to Charming. Juice, Chibs, Bobby and Tigg had all moved in with Jax and I. It was a little too crowded, but Jax didn't want to take any chances. The morning of Pineys funeral dawned grey, with a slight chill to the air. I stared at myself in the bedroom mirror, adding one last swipe of blush to a pale cheek. My eyes had black smudges under them, and no amount of concealer was going to hide the fact that I hadn't slept. My hollow cheeks and pale skin gave away that I couldn't eat either. My black dress, that once fitted all my curves, now hung loose like a sack on me.

"Whats the point" I muttered throwing the blush brush down.

Jax came up behind me. "you look beautiful" he commented, running his hands down my arms. I knew he was worried about me, but he chose not to say anything. I watched him in the mirror. His look was guarded, and he wore the same matching dark colours under his eyes. "You ready to go?" he picked up my jacket and held it up so I could slip my arms into it. Turning me he touched my chin, raising my face so I looked at him. "I love you" he said before gently placing a kiss on my lips.

The ceremony went by without drama. I sat between Jax and Gemma. Across from me sat my mother. I was surprised she had come, and that she was crying. After the service came over towards me.

"Hello Charlotte" she greeted.

"Mother" I put my sunglasses on and drew my shoulders back. "How are the kids?" I asked.

"They are good" she replied. We made small talked for a few more minutes before she excused her self and moved to talk to someone else she knew. I felt exhausted, and just wanted to get away from everyone. Jax was over talking to Tigg, so I sat back down and waited for him. Gemma had moved away and I was finally alone. I stared at the grave that had just engulfed my father and chewed on my thumb nail. My eyes flicked back on Jax. He was still busy with Tigg, Bobby and Juice were chatting with other Sons, and Chibbs had gone back to his bike. Quietly I stood and slipped away before anyone could see. Wrapping my arms around me I walked amoung the gravestones enjoying the peacefulness that surrounded me.

I realised that I had walked around in a circle when I saw Jax walking towards me looking concerned.

"Char, where were you?" He asked placing his hands on my shoulders.

"I just went for a walk" came my reply as I snuggled my face into the skin that showed where his shirt opened at the neck. My arms held him close, as I enhaled his scent. My Jax. The one true rock that I had in my life. He was my lifeline, my drug. It scared me how feircly I loved him, craved him and it terrified me to think of losing him. I squeezed my eyes shut to rid the thought out of my mind as my mouth uttered a cry. Jax cupped my face in his hands, drawing it up so I could look at him. Concern showed in his eyes.

"Your trembling" he said, "are you cold?"

I shook my head, biting my lip. Jax thumb moved over my cheek to brush against my lip, pulling it free.

"Talk to me Charlotte" he whispered. "let me in" his lips touched mine so gently it felt like a winds whisper.

Chibbs came up behind Jax . "We gotta go Jackie Boy" he said quietly,. "Sorry Char"

"We're coming" Jax replied not taking his eyes off me. "You ready to go?" he asked. I nodded and walked with him, linking hands.

I wandered between all the people who had come to tour house, to celebrate Pineys life. I ignored their looks of pity, the words of sympathy. I hated the looks of sadness towards me. Poor little Charlotte, with no daddy, and a momma who would rather not include her in life. Poor little Charlotte, no one is left. I caught one of the sons from another charter looking at me as I walked past.

"What?" I demanded shoving him. "What are you looking at?"

"Hey chill" he growled catching his footing. "I wasn't looking at you"

His old lady spoke quietly to him, moving him away.

"Hey, what did you say?" I demanded grabbing her arm and spinning her towards me. "What did you say to him about me?"

People stopped talking and turned to watch. I couldn't handle all the eyes on me.

"Get out" I screamed at them. "Get out of my house" I grabbed a vase and threw it, it narrowly missed Gemma and smashed on the wall behind her. "Get out" I dug my flingers into my hair on my head, pulling at my hair and fell to my knees. A loud ringing burned through my ears and I felt like someone was choking me. I couldn't breathe, as hot tears scourched my face. My chest hurt. God how it hurt. It was like nothing I had every felt before. I tried to stand, but firm arms held me down. Lifting my face, I could see Jax, kneeling, his mouth moving. My chest tightened, pain shot through it. I couldn't get my breath. My head hit the ground before everything went black.


End file.
